


sign of the times

by pettigrace



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cute, Depression, Diners, Downworlder Friendships, Eating Disorders, Human Raphael, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Libraries, M/M, Magic, Minor Character Death, Original Character Death(s), Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Platonic Cuddling, Pre-Relationship, Slow Burn, Team Up, Vampires, switching POVs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-12-08
Packaged: 2018-08-23 19:31:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 30,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8339935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pettigrace/pseuds/pettigrace
Summary: When Raphael is hit by a mysterious spell, Simon has to teach him how to be human.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The Title of this fic is from Iwan Rheon's "Changing Times"!
> 
> Originally I was intending to write a Halloween Oneshot, but when I was stuck with that I got this idea and somehow it turned into yet another multichapter mess.  
> It's not finished yet and my semester just started, so updates will be irregularly, probably.

“Where do you think you're going?”, Raphael says from behind him. The next moment, he's between Simon and the big wooden entrance. 

_ Of course _ Raphael would notice him leaving. And  _ of course _ he wouldn't want to allow it. It's always like this. Whatever Simon does, Raphael will be there to be angry at him. He could probably kill Camille and Raphael would be mad because Simon didn't do it  _ right _ or something. 

So, naturally, he'd hoped he could leave without Raphael noticing. After all, it's early in the night and most vampires only just got up so he'd hoped Raphael would be distracted enough for him to sneak out. 

He can't lie because he doesn't have any other reason to leave the hotel and Raphael would notice anyway, so he just tells him. 

“Clary needs my help.”

“She's a Shadowhunter, isn't she? She should ask  _ them _ instead of a vampire who can't control his powers.”, Raphael says in all seriousness. It's not supposed to be an insult per se, he's just stating how things are. 

Simon  _ knows _ that he has no clue how to use his special vampire powers like the enhanced sense of smell or the  _ encanto _ that Camille had used on him when she lured him to be her bait. But he still has his strength and probably also his speed - he knows there's no blood circulation to transport adrenaline through his body, but he's sure his reaction will be fueled enough to use those appropriately. 

He'd be fine, really. 

“I won't let Clary run into a battle while I'm chilling around in a cozy hotel.”, Simon responds, putting as much seriousness in the words as he can. 

Raphael's kept his eyes on his the whole time, having narrowed them so much they seem like slits. Simon would probably be more intimidated if that wasn't how Raphael looks at him almost all the time. For the first few weeks in the hotel he'd thought Raphael was about to kill him almost daily, but since he never even did so much as punch him during training, that fear quickly went away. 

So now, it's only the respect that Simon has for Raphael that makes him hesitate. 

“I'm less of a mundane than Clary is, you know that.”, he says. 

It's true, actually. He has his powers at least, even if he can't really deal with them. But Clary doesn't have any and frankly, the swords of the Shadowhunters are pretty much erasing all distance between the enemy and themselves in combat. He could curse Jace and the others for letting her tag along, but then again he knows her - she wouldn't want to stay in the Institute while they're out fighting. 

And neither will he stay here while  _ she's _ in a fight. 

To his surprise, Raphael lets out a deep sigh in response. “Fine. Where are they?”

Simon figures he must want to know so he can collect his bones later or something - Raphael is pretty much expecting him to die no matter what he does, that's a fact - so he doesn't think much about the question. “Uh, actually I don't know. Clary just texted she'd have to leave for a fight--”

“So you wanted to zoom through the whole city to look for her?”, Raphael shakes his head. “ _ Dios _ .”

“I…”, Simon starts. He hadn't actually thought about  _ how _ to track them, but seeing how he hadn't even managed to smell Raphael appearing behind him, he wouldn't have had the option of doing so with Clary. So yeah, he'd probably have run through the entirety of New York City. That would have taken ages. 

Again, Raphael sighs. This time it's more softly than before. He turns around to face the door and turns the knob.

“What are you--?”

“Find your friend.”, Raphael states with a small shrug. “You better keep up.”

And then he starts running. 

 

-

 

Raphael is not particularly fond of Shadowhunters. They think they're better than anyone else and live that way, forming laws that the Downworlders have to subject to. It's pretty much a dictatorship, really. 

Technically, their rules make sense. But the fact that they think  _ they _ are the ones to come up with them - without even consulting those who'd be affected - gives the whole thing a twist. Raphael has lived through something like this back when he was a mundane himself. It's downright racism. 

He also dislikes them for the recklessness they have going for themselves. More often than not, they only care about doing their job, no matter the circumstances. 

And they have poor fighting skills, as Raphael sees when he arrives at the meadow they're currently standing on. 

Simon arrives a few seconds later (which is actually quite good for him, to Raphael’s surprise) and stares at the moving figures. 

He's seen Simon friend and her acquaintances before, of course, so he can easily tell them apart from their attackers - much to his surprise, he can make out Magnus Bane’s silhouette, as well, fighting along with the Shadowhunters. He's throwing around powerful spells, leaving trails of colour wherever they hit. 

Raphael has known Bane for quite some time by now and seen him go through several phases. A few decades ago, the warlock has decided to refrain from helping the Shadowhunters any more, not just because of the mess that Valentine and his followers had created, but also because of the disrespect they show. They've expected him to help them without any payment and barely ever so much as a Thank You. Raphael would have been pissed, too. 

So it's really surprising to see him here now, fighting off Circle members. 

Judging objectively, the Shadowhunters are fighting quite well, each of them fighting their own enemy but also having each other’s back. Even Clary, standing out due to her hair, seems to be handling her Seraph blade quite well. 

But still, the mass of attackers is too big for them to deal with them, even with Magnus blasting away three at once with each spell. If he were to carry that on, he'd quickly run out of power. 

Raphael exchanges a quick look with Simon, who's got worry written in his eyes. Now that they're here already, they could help them. That doesn't mean that he  _ wants _ to do it, but Raphael has been raised in a manner that taught him to help if he's present and has the options to do so. 

He nods firmly before directing his eyes to the scene before them again. Then he runs toward it. 

As it turns out, it's not just Circle members they're fighting against but also the modified versions - Forsaken, they're called, he believes. They're not easy to kill - one of them is still attacking despite the blond Shadowhunter having run his blade through his chest. The Shadowhunter looks up in surprise when Raphael jumps to him and claws open his throat to leave him bleed out but quickly nods in a way of appreciation. Raphael nods back quickly before turning to those to come. 

Having two vampires along with them doubles the chances of the Shadowhunters. Whenever they've managed to stab one of the Forsakens, either Raphael or Simon (who's chosen to copy Raphael’s behaviour) will be there to kill them off for good. 

Soon enough, there's only a handful of the Circle members left - all the Forsakens dead - and they decide to disappear rather than get killed. If Raphael had more of his clan than a non-skilled vampire by his side, he'd go after them. But if he were to attack them with only Simon helping, he'd be pretty much on his own - and while Raphael knows that he's quite powerful, he also knows that there's no way he could deal with all of them on his own. Magnus is probably too drenched to help out, so that wouldn't be an option either. 

So he does what the Shadowhunters do: stand around. The only difference is that he's not breathing heavily. 

In the next moment, something hits his back, making its way to the front. It feels as if he was struck by lightning, the pain making him want to scream but nothing won't come out. Then his eyes fall closed. 

 

-

 

Simon’s stood apart from Raphael when their attackers have vanished. He, Izzy and Clary had been fighting together and stayed where they were once it was safe to breathe, trying to calm down. 

He's just wanted to talk to Clary when suddenly, Magnus was screaming Raphael’s name in an alarmed tone. 

Raphael’s body has already hit the ground when Simon turns around - the sight makes him feel a twist in his stomach. Raphael is not supposed to go down in a fight. Raphael is the one who keeps calm and knows what he has to do. He's the one who can fight off multiple people with the movement of one arm. He's a leader and leaders are the ones who stay on their feet no matter what. 

He runs over to Raphael, lifting his upper body against his thighs as he kneels down. “Raphael?”, he says and shakes him,softly at first and then more violently. “Raphael!”

A few seconds later -  the others must've ran, too - several pairs of feet appear in his vision. He looks up, at noone in particular, and shouts, “What happened?!”

“I- I don't know, one moment he stands there, the next he's on the ground.”, Jace states and scratches the back of his head. 

“How did this happen? Valentine’s men were gone!”, Alec says. “Nobody was left, we would've seen them.”

“He's not hurt.”, Simon says, “I mean, he's not bleeding.”

Without saying a word, Magnus steps closer and holds out his hands above Raphael’s body. Something bright blue comes out of them and soon enough, it's hugging the body in Simon’s arms. It stays there for a moment, vibrating and moving softly around Raphael. Then it vanishes. 

“He was hit by a spell.”, Magnus says. When he blinks his cat eyes disappear. “I don't know what just yet. We need to get away from here before I can do more, it's not safe.”

Simon looks down at Raphael’s face - it wears a neutral expression, soft almost. He's never seen Raphael look so young and vulnerable. It's wrong. 

He knows that Raphael is not dead because Magnus would have said so if he were. And yet he wishes there was any clue for him to be certain. He presses two fingers against his throat and wishes he could feel his pulse as a reassurance, but since he's a vampire that doesn't-- except it does. 

Raphael has a pulse. 

“He has a pulse.”, Simon breathes. He tears his eyes away from Raphael’s face and looks up, at Magnus who has turned his back towards him to create a portal. “He has a pulse!”

Magnus stops his movements and halfway turns toward him,saying nothing. 

“Simon, that can't-- you're probably in shock.”, Clary says, kneeling down next to him and putting a hand on his arm. “Raphael can't have a pulse.”

“Clary,” Simon directs his eyes to look at her. “Believe me, I know. But-- Look for yourself.”, he says and takes her hand to place it on Raphael's neck. 

Clary looks down at it before concentrating on feeling. After a few seconds, she frowns. “That's…”

“Simon,” Magnus says, his voice serious and stern, “Carry him through the portal.”

Simon nods and pulls Raphael onto his arms. Clary crouches away when he gets up to give him enough space. It's weird to carry Raphael, seeing him like this - the entire thing is just too weird. 

What happened to Raphael? What could've hit him and make him  _ have a pulse _ ? 

Now that Raphael’s pressed against his chest, he can feel how his own is going up and down, how he's  _ breathing _ . 

Raphael has a pulse  _ and _ he's breathing, Simon’s mind notes as he steps in front of the portal. Something is seriously wrong and they need to find out what it is. 

He steps through the portal.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! I'd have never expected that much attention after posting a short first chapter already! Thanks so much you guys, the love is appreciated!

Raphael’s body aches when he wakes up. He's lying on something as soft as his bed, but more narrow so he can't be in the hotel. 

He opens his eyes and sits up, realising that it's a couch that he's lying on. He recognises the room as Bane’s - it looks differently than the last time he's been here, but there's elements he recognises. Also the way numerous things are stacked up, it's pretty much a Bane thing. 

He remembers that Magnus had been there when he and Simon had arrived to help the Shadowhunters. He still has no idea why Bane would do that, but it's a fact. He also remembers that he's been hit by something painful, but nothing more. 

He reaches down to his abdomen at that thought to check if he's got any wounds. He's still wearing the same things as before and since there's no rip in the button down, he guesses that it must've been something other than a weapon. Either that or it didn't go through - but if he had any external injuries, Magnus surely would know not to place him on his back. 

So, with weapons and an actual beam of lightning ruled out, he only knows one thing that could've hit him: magic. 

He turns on the couch to sit more comfortably, extending his limbs to check if everything is alright about them. 

He only notices then that somebody else is in the room. There's an armchair in the far corner of the room, a person sitting on it. It's quite dark in that part of the room, the sun must be settling again, but usually that's no reason for him to have such difficulties with seeing things. 

He narrows his eyes and concentrates on the figure but he just can't make out who it is. That's mildly alarming. 

He's in a kind of familiar environment and hasn't been attacked yet. For all he knows, the person in the shadow of the corner could be Magnus, so he guesses it can't go too wrong to step closer towards them. 

The person shifts when Raphael gets up and as soon as he steps forward in the dim light, they get up from their seat. Raphael doesn't even have to look at him to see it's Simon, simply because he's moved at superhuman speed. 

“You're awake.”, Simon states. 

“I see you're using your powers at last.”, Raphael responds while rolling his eyes. “Why are you here?”

“You were unconscious.”, Simon states with a shrug. “How are you feeling?”

Raphael doesn't feel like telling his  _ fledgeling _ that he's confused and worried because he can barely see in this light. So instead, he asks, “Where is Bane?”

“He's, uh, he's in the Institute right now. But he'll be back soon.”, Simon tells him. “I can call Clary so he'll come back? Are you sure you're alright?”

“ _ Dios _ , yes, Simon. I am alive and breathing.”, Raphael says. And then he freezes. He  _ is _ breathing. 

Without listening to whatever Simon is responding, he tries to hold his breath, but he doesn't make it for long. He  _ needs _ air. He needs to breathe. 

That can't be. 

As he sinks back onto the couch, Simon sits down with him, his voice more alarmed now when he asks, “Are you okay?”

“Get Bane on the phone.”

 

-

 

Simon knows that Raphael hasn't gone back to normal during his sleep. He's been watching his chest rise and fall for way too long to think that he's normal again. 

He's stayed by Raphael’s side not just because the sun went up quickly after Magnus has gone through another check-in, but also because he knows it's his fault. Whatever has happened to Raphael, it's just because he's wanted to help Clary. Without him, Raphael would have been safe. 

Raphael has continued to breathe, he's kept a pulse, and soon enough, he even has his own strong scent. Usually, vampires only have faint traces of things they have  _ around  _ their bodies and not their bodies themselves. Simon’s never been good at distinguishing scents, but he knows that Raphael usually wears a trace of hair gel and whatever expensive material his clothes are made of. Now, there's also the smell of blood and something he can't name, something unique that he's never smelled before. 

Raphael has a human scent. 

He's dialed Clary’s number as soon as Raphael has ordered him to. The other has tried to keep his voice steady but Simon’s heard a hint of anger and something that could possibly be considered fear. It's unlike Raphael, just like anything else about this is. He must've noticed something, too. 

“Clary, is Magnus still there?”, Simon asks as soon as she’s picked up. Raphael is tense next to him, wearing an expression that’s murderous - so different from how he’s looked when he was unconscious, so much more like Raphael. And yet, something is missing.

“Uh, yes, he’s just talking with Lydia…”, Clary responds. “Why? Is everything alright? Is something with Raphael?”

“Yeah, he’s--”

“Give me the phone.”, Raphael snarls.

“It would be really great if you could get Magnus, Clary.”

“I don’t really think that’s a good idea, the Lightwoods are there, too--”

Raphael extends a hand. “Give me the phone, Simon.”

“Raphael, I can handle a phone call.”, Simon replies. “You having the phone won’t make things go faster.”

Raphael sighs and reaches over, grabbing Simon’s arm. Simon knows that this is the point where he’ll give in or soon enough he’ll have a broken arm, but this is about more. This is about showing Raphael that he’s not the boss of him and that Simon can care for him in some way. Raphael is sick in whatever way so Simon is the one who should deal with organizing help. So he keeps holding the phone against his ear.

And much to his surprise, he barely even feels Raphael’s grip. He looks down at it and sees a few veins on the back of Raphael’s hand. He's actually  _ trying _ . When he looks at Raphael’s face, he sees a mirrage of the surprise he feels himself. 

“Clary, just get Magnus. Interrupt them, make an excuse, I don't know. But get him on the phone.”, he says slowly before handing it to Raphael at last. This is even more serious than he'd thought. 

He wonders what else has changed about Raphael after the spell. What about his speed? His sight? His hunger? How truly vulnerable is he right now? 

There's a noise that comes from the phone. Simon recognises it as Magnus voice, which makes him breathe a sigh of relief. Magnus will know what to do. 

Much to his surprise, Raphael gets up from the couch and walks to the door. Before he leaves the room, he turns back to Simon. “Fledgling, if you listen into this conversation I will kill you. No matter how, I  _ will _ do it.”

Simon gulps at that. 

 

-

 

“What do you mean, ‘mundane’?”, Raphael mutters into the phone, holding onto it firmly. If he had his normal strength, he'd have crushed it, probably. 

“Mundane, human, not a vampire, mortal.”, Magnus says. “You get the drift.”

“ _ Yes _ . But  _ how _ ?”, Raphael wants to know. “You and I both know better than anyone else that this is not  _ possible _ .”

“Valentine’s men must have found a way.”, Magnus admits. He sounds bitter. “Which only helps his cause.”

“This comes half a century too late.”, Raphael grumbles. “Are you sure?”

“Let's see. You lost your superhuman sight, your strength, you have a pulse and need to breathe. That sounds very mundane to me.”, Magnus says. “You should try to eat something, just to check.”

“And throw up? No, thanks.”

“Well, if you do get hungry, feel free to take something from the fridge.”, Magnus offers. “No, but really, I'm 80% sure that this warlock has achieved the impossible. Which is insulting, considering I didn't even  _ feel _ his magic.”

“How did Valentine even manage to get a warlock on board?”, Raphael wants to know. If someone wants to erase everyone who is like you, you'd assume they'd stay away from them. 

“Must be a very young and naive one.”, Magnus says. “Listen, I'll hurry up to wrap this thing here and then I'll come back to do last checks. I only checked for your health so far but nothing else.”

Raphael grunts at that. He  _ can't _ be a mundane. He is the leader of one of the biggest clans in America. He has to represent it at several meetings. He has to protect his clan members. He's only just freed them of Camille’s corruption, they've accepted him as their leader - to be turned back into a mundane now is the most unfitting thing to happen. 

“Oh, and either you or Sheridan will have to talk to Maryse about vampires being at that operation.”, Magnus says. “Sherman can go here once I'm home.”

“I will not let Simon talk on my behalf.”

“Raphael, for now it's important that we find out what happened to you. Let Solomon deal with the Shadowhunters.”, Magnus tells him. “I'll be back soon.”

When he's hung up, Raphael looks down at whatever comic character is Simon’s background. He's contemplating whether to go back to the living room. Simon’s there, waiting for him to come back. He probably hasn't listened into the conversation. Simon may be of the curious type but Raphael trusts that if you told him not to look into something, he won't do it. 

But the thing is, he's probably noticed already. His face earlier had clearly shown that he noticed Raphael’s missing strength. 

So if he were to go back, Simon would ask if they knew anything and Raphael can't lie because he'd know better. So it would be admitting things. 

And there's no way he can be a mundane. 

He decides to stay in the kitchen.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah, thanks for the lot of feedback!!  
> I'm glad y'all enjoy this :)
> 
> This chapter would've been up way earlier, but my Wi-Fi has decided to just die on me for a week.

“I'll just go back to the hotel and pretend nothing’s wrong.”, Raphael proposes after some time of sitting around and brooding. 

Simon still doesn't know what exactly is wrong. After Raphael has gone off with his phone, he’d stayed wherever he had gone until Magnus appeared in the door and went into the kitchen as well without even doing so much as looking at Simon. They’d stayed there a while longer, Simon would’ve been able to hear their shouting even without being a vampire but he’s distracted himself somehow so that he wouldn’t listen in. Death By Raphael ™ really wasn’t something he was looking forward to.

After some time, they’d come back into the living room and Raphael had retreated to the couch, where he’d sat until now with his arms crossed and eyes directed at the table. Magnus had been going through his books in the meantime, looking for something with an eager expression. 

“Oh yeah, and how exactly do you want to do that?”, Magnus says, “As if they won't notice.”

Raphael opens his mouth to argue but Simon chimes in, “No offense to your acting skills, but they'll notice immediately. You smell differently.”

“I… what?”

“Yeah, I mean. It's different. I can't really describe it but if  _ I _ notice, surely they will, too.”

Raphael groans and throws his head back. “ _ Great _ . If I find this warlock, I'll rip off his head.”

“I don't think you'll be able to, my friend.”, Magnus says which earns him a look that could probably kill. 

“What exactly did this spell even do? If I didn't know any better, I'd say you've been turned back.”, Simon voices. The way both men fall silent, Raphael not even looking at him but at the ground-- it makes him stop. “No  _ way _ . How?”

Magnus sighs and makes the armchair move closer with a snap of his fingers. He sits down and looks at Simon at last. He looks tired. And somehow, sad. “If we knew, we'd have better chances at changing him back.”

“Hm,” Simon makes and leans back. Magnus had turned on the lights when they came back into the room and while Simon can see well in the dark he hasn't been able to notice the change in Raphael’s complexion before. 

He's never been an actual pale white - probably because he was never white to begin with. Being a vampire makes you a bunch paler than you are, but it can't rob you of your skin tone entirely. But now his skin looks like honey. Like he's just come back from a sun bath, his skin reflecting the light and shining. 

It's rather weird to see him like this. Not that it looks bad to see Raphael like he's  _ supposed _ to be, but it's simply unfamiliar. 

He looks so… alive. It's the farthest thing you could associate with the leader of his clan. 

“Do you have a second in command in the clan?”, Simon asks, “I’ll just go and, like, tell them you got hurt and have to stay at Magnus’.”

Raphael and Magnus look at each other, apparently having a silent conversation. Simon can imagine that they have known each other before, yes, seeing how they’re two of the most influential Downworlders of New York. But at the same time, they seem like they’re more familiar with each other than you’d assume. He wonders if there’s a story behind that.

“Sandra, that’s actually not the worst idea you could have had.”, Magnus says slowly. “That way someone else can temporarily lead the clan and nobody will ask questions.”

At that Simon can’t help but smile. Even if Magnus still thinks it’s funny to pretend he doesn’t know his name, at least he’s open to appreciate his idea. That’s a start, probably.

Raphael doesn’t look too happy, though Simon can’t really tell if it’s because he never looks truly happy or because he doesn’t agree or because of the overall situation. But eventually he nods, a grim expression on his face, “Yeah, that’ll do for now.”

 

-

 

“ _ Magnus _ ,” Raphael starts as soon as Simon has left the apartment. He can’t help but slightly appreciate that he hasn’t made Magnus conjure a portal for him - he would’ve been able to, of course, because the location of his clan’s home isn’t a secret but it’s nice to know that both of them respect the privacy of the clan. “This can’t  _ be _ .”

“I  _ know _ ,” Magnus answers, massaging the back of his nose, “Plus, you’ve been saying that for the past  _ hour _ or so.”

“No, I _can’t_ be a _mundane_.”, Raphael states, trying to bring his point across. It’s not just that this is something _impossible_ \- it’s something that _can’t_ _be_. “I am the _leader_ of a _vampire_ clan.”

Magnus looks at him - for the first time since he got here with a sincerely expression on his face. He’s looked at him before, while they talked, but either with something fake in his eyes or he simply looked away as soon as they made eye contact. But now he looks at him and he seems incredibly sad. “I don’t know how he did it.”

Raphael presses his lips together. Of course he doesn’t know it - that is, unless he’s found out in the last 40 years. He remembers how they’d gone through so many books and methods to figure out a way to turn a vampire back into a mundane. How Raphael had wanted nothing more back after he was turned, when Magnus had taken him under his wing after he’s tried to put the whole thing to an ending the other way.

It’s almost funny that now, decades later, just when Raphael has made the best of his situation, someone would manage to make him go back to being a mundane. The spell could have hit Simon - his  _ fledgeling _ \- and done them all a favour, but no, for some reason it had hit him. Maybe they’d  _ meant _ to hit him. Maybe someone has planned to turn the leader of the mightiest clan around - that could fit to Valentine’s plan.

“Well, we need to figure it out.”, Raphael decides and gets up from where he’s still seated. 

Magnus doesn’t stop him as he walks over to the bookshelves in the corner of the room. He’d figured that maybe the warlock would remind it that he’s  _ just _ scanned through a couple of books, but he seems to remember the habits Raphael has even if they rarely ever see one another recently.

Which reminds him that Magnus has acted against his own principles. “How come  _ you _ have been there?”

“Oh, you know,” Magnus says with a shrug, “The Shadowhunters would have been lost without me.”

“I don’t doubt that’s true.”, Raphael says and turns back to the books. Magnus really needs to get sorting system. That has always bothered him. “But I remember a time where you said a lot of unfine things about the clave.”

“Times change.”

Raphael shrugs in return. The other doesn’t sound like he particularly wants to talk about his reasons. His own curiosity is rather small, too, simply because there’s a more pressing issue at hand right now. He could still find out why Magnus would suddenly want to cooperate with the Shadowhunters once he’s back to being a vampire.

Magnus’ collection of books includes a fair share of mundane books nowadays. There’s quite a lot he doesn’t recognize from the last time he’s looked through the books his friend owns and quite a few of those that have been there are gone by now. Of course, most of them are books for spells and the like, some are simply about history and, much to his surprise, there are some cooking books. 

Magnus must have noticed him staring at the cooking books because after a few seconds he asks, “You hungry?”

Raphael narrows his eyes without even looking back at him. “No.”

Thankfully, Magnus doesn’t pick up an argument at that. For a second or so Raphael had thought he’d get a lecture on being a  _ mundane _ \- which he isn’t. He’s not a mundane, even if he’s temporarily lost his powers. Maybe they’ll be back tomorrow, who knows? He can’t be a mundane, so he is none. 

 

-

 

It’s weird to go back to the hotel without Raphael. Not that Raphael is by his side  _ every _ time he leaves the hotel, but at least there’s usually a 70% chance that the other would be there when Simon came back. Now, however, Raphael has had to stay at Magnus’.

He understands, of course, why Raphael would want to keep the whole thing a secret. The whole thing about  _ him not being a vampire anymore _ . It seems so wrong to Simon.

Not just because he doesn’t know Raphael as a human, but because Raphael is supposed to be the one to help him deal with the whole being a vampire thing. Not that he’s simply forgotten everything about it by now, but it’s a difference to teach someone when you’re the  _ same _ .

Plus, if word got out, Raphael may be thrown out of the clan. Or maybe he can’t be turned back - but Simon doesn’t even want to think about that.

He gets that Raphael can’t tell the clan that he’s back to being a human. They may be loyal to one another, but that only counts if you truly  _ are _ one of them. The clan wouldn’t appreciate having a  _ mundane _ leader, naturally.

He and Raphael haven’t been at the hotel for more than 24 hours by now, so logically a few of the vampires show up in the hall as soon as he’s come through the door. Damn those enhanced senses.

He’s still not familiar with all of the vampires, mostly because Raphael training him and Clary needing his help have kept him apart from hanging out with them. He sees all of them every now and then but has barely ever talked to them.

He recognizes two of the vampires: Lily and Stan, the ones who seem closest to Raphael. They’ve sometimes barged into their training, either to tell consult Raphael about something or to just watch them. Raphael has never seemed to mind, so Simon guesses that he appreciates their existence in some way.

He’s been right, as it turns out, because Raphael has said that he’d consider Lily his second in command, if needed. 

“Simon!”, she says, looking at him with big eyes. “Where have you been? Where’s Raphael?”

“I, uh,” Simon starts, gulping at the sight of so many vampires staring at him. “Actually-- would you mind if we talked alone?”

At those words, there goes a short murmur through the group in front of them, a few of the vampires exchanges concerned glances. Lily raises an eyebrow at him before glancing at Stan, who stands next to her. 

Stan stares at  _ him _ with narrowed eyes but shrugs eventually.

“Yes, of course.”, Lily tells Simon then as if she didn’t have to think about it. 

The other vampires are quickly disappearing back into the living room or even their own. Within the span of merely a couple of seconds, he and Lily are left to stand in the hall. 

He’s glad when Lily leads him towards her room in normal speed.

Simon has never been inside of it so he takes it in for a few seconds. It's different from what he's imagined - there's  _ posters _ on the walls, clothes lying around here and there and the same with books. It looks like a typical girl’s room, from what Simon can tell. 

It's so different from Raphael’s room which is kept in a light beige with only a few decorative ornaments here and there (he doesn't know if Raphael truly lives for the dramatic that comes with being a vampire or if the candle holders belong to the hotel’s original decor) - it reminds him of Clary’s old room and he's hit with a wave of sympathy towards Lily. 

“Simon,” she says after a moment, “Where is Raphael? You left together, didn't you?”

She sounds truly concerned, not just curious about where her clan leader may be, but worried whether he's okay or not. It makes him feel a twist in his stomach. Of course he knows that the clan members appreciate Raphael. Otherwise they'd never have helped him get rid off Camille and accept him as their new leader. But that's still different from actually  _ caring _ about him. 

He wishes he could tell Lily the truth, simply because her worrying seems so honest, but he’s also made a promise to Raphael that he has to honour.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy!!

Simon hasn’t really been content when Clary has texted him in Magnus’ name. Originally, he’d planned to never come out of his room ever again. Not after the disaster of last night.

Just when he’d thought that living in the Hotel DuMort can’t be too bad after all, he’s managed to turn the entire clan against him.

When he’d told Lily that Raphael is injured - quite the way of playing things down if you know what really happened, actually - she’s been shocked for a moment, asking him for details. He’s explained as far as he could, even mentioned how Raphael was hit by a spell. He just didn’t say what exactly it has done and acted like he didn’t know.

She hasn’t looked particularly satisfied with that explanation but hasn’t asked any more questions, thankfully. She’s even accepted with a stoic look when Simon told her that Raphael has given him a note for her, saying that she has to lead the clan for a while.

He could see her gulp shortly as she read through the handwriting (Simon has to admit that it’s not as neat as he’s thought it would be) but she’s quickly nodded that away and said, “Okay.”

They’ve had to get back into the living room then, to tell the other vampires, and that’s when everything truly went down.

When Lily has summarised what Simon had told her (with less details but much more meaning), there was quite some concern among the group members. And not only that, there was some anger, too.

Simon would’ve been able to ignore that, he thinks, because it’s not like he’s not used to that from his early time in the clan - Raphael’s told him that they don’t mean it like that, actually, but that he’s a reminder of Camille and the fact that none of the clan members have managed to ever stand up to her.

They must have gotten used to it by now because they’ve become more civil to him. Not really friendly, but they didn’t look like they wanted to rip off his head whenever they saw him, so he counted it as a win.

But when Lily’s told them that  _ Raphael got hurt because of him _ , even  _ Stan _ \- whom Simon would've counted to be something like a friend to him in comparison to the rest of the clan - looked like he'd have liked to cut off his head. 

Simon’s tried to talk to him when the meeting dissolved, but Stan flinched at him. 

“I  _ know _ that Raphael has a soft spot for you because he thinks he's  _ guilty _ that you are  _ here _ ,” Stan has spat at him violently, “And how do you thank him? You run  _ off _ and act like a  _ baby _ .”

The words are nothing that Simon has never heard before, of course, but at that very moment, they've hurt a lot. Because he knows it  _ is _ his fault. Without him, Raphael wouldn't have been involved in the attack on the Shadowhunters. He'd have stayed in the hotel or gone to one of his business meetings, if Simon hadn't insisted on helping a group of people who don't give two shits about him. 

He's made Raphael fight for people he doesn't even know and got him hurt in the process and Simon is to blame for that. 

So, for the rest of the night and the whole day, he's stayed in his room to avoid everyone else. He's tried to distract himself with everything going he has in his room - books, DVDs, CDs and even a guitar - but nothing has worked. 

It's been both a curse and a blessing when Clary’s text arrived, saying that Magnus wants everyone who has been there to come to his place so that they could plan what to do next.

He's made his way to the room with the blood supplies at full speed in the hopes of not running into anyone. The plan was to feed and then leave for Magnus’. When he's about to pass Raphael’s room, however, he stops. 

Surely Raphael would appreciate if he were to bring him clothes, would he? He's probably still wearing those he wore during the fight and while vampires don't sweat, Raphael would probably still want to get changed since he is always quite concerned about making the right appearance. Simon's glad that he's seen his mentor’s - well,  _ cupboard _ is hardly the right word -  _ thing _ before because he's lent him clothes for the first week that Simon had been in the hotel or so. So he knows where everything is and isn't even  _ that _ surprised anymore by the huge collection that Raphael has. 

He's just staring at the jackets in the hope of figuring out how to transport them without crumpling them when he hears someone step inside. 

As he turns, he recognises Lily who stares at him with her arms crossed. “What are you doing?”, she asks in a casual tone. 

“I'm grabbing clothes for Raph,” Simon tells her, “Magnus wants everyone who was there the night to come to his place so we can figure out how to find the warlock who hurt Raphael. Figure I could bring him something to wear.”

Lily nods at that until she narrows her eyes. “I want to come with.”

“What?”, Simon makes. If he had one job to do upon his return, it's been to make sure nobody would want to see Raphael at the moment. “Uh, actually I don't think Raphael wants to be seen by anyone at the moment. He, um, he's not really himself right now and would probably be embarrassed or something…”

“But you and some Shadowhunters are allowed to see him?”

“Yeah! I mean, we were there when it happened. We saw everything already, so… uh, yeah.”

“I'm not a fan of this.”, Lily says firmly. “For all I know, Raphael could be kidnapped or dead.”

“Lily, do you think I'd lie about  _ that _ ?”

She thinks about it for a moment, her dark eyes fixed on his face. 

Simon doesn't really like it, actually, especially considering that he's not entirely telling the truth. He tries to keep close to it as much as possible, but with Raphael forbidding him to  _ actually _ say what's up, it's quite an awful situation he's in. 

“Probably not.”, Lily says. She looks over his shoulder, “I don't think he needs his jackets when he's injured, actually.”

“While that makes sense,” Simon starts and breaks into a small grin, “I thought maybe he'd appreciate one of them as, I don't know, a safety blanket? He seems to care a  _ lot _ about them--”

She lets out a surprisingly loud laugh at that as she turns around. “You can go, fledgling.”

 

-

 

Raphael can’t recall to have ever seen Magnus in company of so many Shadowhunters without wearing a bitter expression. Of course, some of his customers are Shadowhunters so he’s wearing a fake smile when he’s around them, just to make sure he won’t miss this income. On top of that, whenever Raphael even spends time with him, they’re alone most of the time, so this whole thing is quite new.

Right now there are the three Lightwood children, Valentine’s daughter and his fledgeling spread out in Magnus’ living room, all of them wearing a look of unease. Before Camille had ordered him to kidnap Simon, he’d never even  _ seen _ any of them before, so it’s weird to see them worried on his behalf.

They’d tried to recall exactly all of the people they’d fought against to limit the people they should be looking for. The Forsakens are out of the suspects of course, and so are the people the black-haired Lightwood boy ( _ Alexander _ , Magnus has called him before) identifies as Shadowhunters through and through. He seems to be the logic in that group of siblings.

Of course, they can’t be sure that they got all of those who have been in place. There’s a chance that some of the attackers have stayed behind, out of their sight. Or that they got someone wrong. But there’s only a handful of people they have seen but not been able to place a name (or rather, a label on), so it gives Raphael some kind of hope that they’ll be able to turn him back.

Clary and the Lightwood girl are actually quiet most of the time. The latter would throw in a few names here and there if she were to recognize someone, but other than that, she’s frowning the whole time. Valentine’s daughter doesn’t seem to be able to do anything but stare at  _ Simon _ with a sad expression. And Simon just stares at his feet. Raphael guesses they’re thinking that it’s their fault.

A part of him would like to agree, but he knows that  _ he’s _ been the one who plunged into the fight. He’s the one who hasn’t watched his back. Sure, without Simon and his friend he wouldn’t have been there in first place, but he’s decided to leave the safe spot on the far end of the meadow.

“I have to ask,” the blonde Lightwood voices after a while, “Why aren't we just letting Simon turn Raphael? I mean that way we save our time and Raphael's a vampire again.”

Raphael glares at him. “I'd rather just be hit by a car than have  _ Simon _ as my sire.”

Truth is, he'd prefer that even to having a sire at all. That kind of dependence on another person is nothing he wants to repeat. His own sire had only been alive for a short while after he turned him, but Raphael has seen it often enough - it's not even comparable to the influence Camilla has had on Simon when he was her subjugate. So no, getting turned by Simon is no option. 

“Besides,” Alexander says, “I know I haven't been present but from what you and Clary have said, there's never a guarantee that it would work. Raphael could  _ die _ .”

He doesn't sound like he particularly cares about Raphael. It's probably just the law he wants to defend. Vampires are allowed to feed on mundanes, but accidentally killing them is, of course, against the law. 

“We’ll have to find the person who enchanted him,” the Lightwood girl speaks up, “They’ll be able to take it back, right?”

“Maybe,” Magnus says when everyone has turned to look at him. “From what I’ve gathered, this warlock is either pretty young or actually not that strong, actually. For all we know, he could have hit bull’s eye by accident.”

“And if he doesn’t know, what he’s done, he can’t take it back.”, Raphael finishes slowly, picking up what Magnus has meant to say.

Naturally, he can’t even hide his devastation at that. He’s been aware of that already, of course, since his conversations with Magnus for the past day have been about nothing but this topic, but to say it loudly to other people is like admitting defeat. 

It’s pretty much been like Schrödinger’s Cat - as long as he hasn’t voiced it, it’s been neither true nor wrong. But now he’s uttered these words and he knows that the chances of them being correct is too high.

“So? What the hell, if some weird warlock can come along and produce something like that, surely Magnus’ll be able to, as well!”, Simon suddenly says, getting up from his seat. “You aren’t High Warlock for nothing, are you? Plus, there’s always still us.”

Raphael can see his own frown mirrored on Magnus’ face as he looks up to the fledgeling. His enthusiasm has always been one of Simon’s better features, but at this point it’s not helpful.

“No, look. We can act as a team. Clary and the other Shadowhunters can try to find that warlock via Circle members - maybe he’d know something after all. And Magnus can try to find him with some warlock voodoo or something.”, Simon continues. “And you and I, we’re gonna browse through  _ more _ books and what not. It will work.”

The way he tells it, with so much honesty in his voice and a sparkle in his eyes, quickly convinces not just Valentine’s daughter, but the younger Lightwoods as well. When even Magnus agrees that they could  _ try _ at least, Raphael can feel a seed of hope growing in his chest.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've added "Eating Disorder" to the additional tags of this story! I'm not entirely sure if Raphael's eating habits really classify as one, but they're quite unhealthy and I figured better safe than sorry. So, please do read with caution!

Simon hates the Institute. He's never been welcome there as a mundane, but now that he is a  _ vampire _ he can't even enter it. The fact that it's built on the ruins of a church repels vampires of Christian faith, so technically it wouldn't hurt him, but the Shadowhunters have placed religious symbols of all beliefs around their home. 

When he's meant to enter the building like he did the first time, Isabelle has pulled him back and asked if he is an idiot. 

“You would get seriously injured if you were to just step through the door.”, she's told him. “Come on, I'll show you where you can go.”

Her showing turned out to be leading him to a small room at the side of the church that he could enter through an even smaller door, making him crouch. It feels quite humiliating. 

Isabelle leaves him alone in the room and if it weren't for his enhanced sight, he wouldn't be able to see anything here. 

The door he just went through turns out to be the only one leading in or out of the room. One of the walls is made up out of metallic bars. The whole thing reminds him of those prison cells in Lucky Luke. 

Apparently, cooperating with vampires doesn't mean treating them equally. 

It takes a few minutes until suddenly, the light in the room on the other side of the bars gets turned on. A rather tall woman with long hair that's as dark as Isabelle’s stalks inside with loud steps that echo through the hall, Alec by her side. 

“Vampire.”, she nods as a way of greeting and if Simon weren't so impressed by the seriousness she portrays, he'd correct her with his name. 

Instead, though, he nods back. “Mrs Lightwood. You wanted to see me.”

Its ridiculous but he actually has to restrain himself from making a curtsey. 

“Indeed, I did.”, Maryse says firmly, and Simon can see her shooting a look at her son. 

Alec’s put his arms behind his back, standing their like a soldier during an instruction. Simon can imagine that in some ways, this is exactly that. 

“I've been informed that you and Raphael Santiago, clan leader of the vampires of New York, have appeared at a fight between a group of Shadowhunters and Circle members.”, Maryse voices. “Care to explain that?”

Simon shuffles softly on the spot. The way Maryse stands in front of him is intimidating, especially when she’s holding a seraph blade in her hand - Simon isn’t even sure if those weapons can actually harm  _ him _ , but he’s scared nonetheless. “We-- we wanted to help. Clary’s told me they’d be involved in a fight and--”

“ _ Clary _ ? Clarissa?”, Maryse repeats and shoots Alec a glance that Simon can’t quite read. “Are you saying that Clarissa shares confidential information with  _ vampires _ ?”

“With  _ m _ e!”, Simon protests. “I’m her  _ best friend _ ! We grew up together!”

“You are a  _ vampire _ .”, Maryse replies, her voice sharp. She sounds as if that explains why she acts like Clary’s committed a federal crime. 

Of course, Simon’s learned that the Shadowhunters have quite a weird relationship towards Downworlders (Raphael has a habit of  _ always _ muttering about them under his breath - it makes Simon wonder if the other even knows that he understands Spanish) but being faced with it is entirely different. Is Alec’s mother really implying that he can’t be trusted because he’s a vampire  _ now _ and that his friendship with Clary doesn’t matter as much any more?

Simon looks over to Alec in the hopes of having him speak up on his behalf. Naturally, he knows that the Shadowhunter doesn’t like him, but he’d recognize injustice when it’s there, right? 

Alec’s been looking at the ground since his mother had turned her gaze away again, but he lifts his head again when both Simon and Maryse fall silent again. His eyes meet Simon’s - and Simon tries to signal him that saying something would be good.

Alec must’ve caught that, because he says, “Mother. Without Simon and Raphael, we wouldn’t have been able to deal with those Forsakens. Magnus told you what  a close call it had been.”

“While I appreciate that help,” Maryse says with a nod at Simon (Is  _ that _ her way of saying ‘thank you’?), “it still doesn’t make it better that outsiders knew about your operation. It’s been bad enough that the warlock has been involved.”

For a split second, Alec looks like he’s about to say some more. But then he clenches his jaw and looks down at the ground again.

Simon can’t blame him, though, because when Maryse tells him that he better stay out of their business in the future, he can’t do anything other than gulping himself.

The head of the New York Institute really is scary.

 

-

 

Raphael is not used to anything about being a mundane. Right at this moment, he has a headache from all the reading that he’s been doing. His eyes feel dry and as if they were about to fall shut any second, and yet he does his best to keep them open, trying to scan the book in his hand for any information.

From the kitchen he can hear Magnus rummage through cups and pots as he prepares the food for the day. Raphael is still not a fan of having to eat (when he’s first tasted something warm, he’s been throwing up for quite some time afterwards - probably because his body is not used to it), but Magnus has insisted to make him something at least once a day. Raphael figures he could do that, but he wouldn’t necessarily eat it until his hunger becomes too much. 

He lets out a deep sigh as he turns over the page and rubs over his face. He’s looked through most of Magnus’ bookshelf since he got here, searching for  _ anything _ that mentions a cure to vampirism. The book in his hands is one of the last handful that he hasn’t looked at yet and it contains nothing, just like the others.

“ _ Es sin punto _ ,” he groans softly and throws the book onto the table. He leans back against the couch, directing his gaze towards the ceiling. 

 

-

 

When Simon knocks on the door to Magnus’ apartment early in the following night, it takes a while until it's answered. Magnus looks like he's been sleeping, his hair standing up in ways that it's probably for once not supposed to, when he opens the door at last. Simon feels a wave of guilt sweep through him when he sees Magnus - he doubts that the warlock has gotten much sleep lately with an angry and determined Raphael strutting through his flat. He just didn't think about the fact that Magnus’ sleeping schedule is different from his and came here as soon as he could, intending to tell Raphael about his encounter with Maryse. 

“Shandwick,” Magnus yawns, rubbing the sand out of his eyes. “What brings you here?”

“Raphael.”, Simon simply states quietly. 

“He's asleep.”, Magnus tells him but steps to the side to let him inside. 

Simon had thought that Raphael would sleep in the guest room that Magnus has, but to his surprise, his mentor  _ sits _ on the couch, his head thrown back and Simon can even hear a  _ soft snore _ from the back of his throat. If this weren't so weird, Simon would make a vine. 

“He's passed out a few hours ago.”, Magnus says and nods at the table. 

Simon can see a plate with bacon and scrambled eggs on it, standing right in front of Raphael. Farther away from him, on the edge of the coffee table, lies a book that looks like it's been thrown there. 

“He's been reading the  _ whole _ time?”, Simon asks. He doubts that Raphael would just pass out like this if he'd let himself rest since the night before - or, from what he guesses ever since he got hit by the spell. He's seen himself how he'd go through book after book, but he'd hoped with the planning they'd made only 20 hours earlier, he'd go slower. 

Magnus nods silently. 

“I know it's technically none of my business but don't you think Raphael should get out once in a while?”, Simon asks with a look at Raphael’s figure. 

“He doesn't want to.”, Magnus answers. “He's been looking through books pretty much all the time since he got here. Barely even eats.” After a short while, he adds, “And personally, I think it's too dangerous. As the clan leader, he's bound to be attacked. He wouldn't be able to defend himself.”

“Nobody would expect him to go outside during the day, would they?”, Simon wonders. “I mean, someone could still accompany him but… look, I don't know how old Raphael is but he probably hasn't seen the sun in decades, has he? He should appreciate it as long as he can.”

“Saben, your concern is heart-warming but I think Raphael doesn't care about the sun at the moment. That train is long gone. Now all he wants is get back to the clan.”, Magnus says sadly. “I mean, I can propose it to him, but I don't think he'll take the chance.”

Simon nods at that. Raphael is a stubborn person, from what he knows, so once he's set something into his mind, he'll work to achieve it. It's what he's done with Camille’s reign. 

But still, this may be a chance. Raphael may be a leader of the clan, but they'll surely manage to find a substitute. Raphael is a mundane again, he can live his life as a human. Move somewhere where no one knows he used to be a vampire and just  _ live _ . 

Simon wonders if Raphael even still knows how to live. If he knows how to be human.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is gonna be cute. I hope it'll brighten up this Week Of Shit.

“I thought we were supposed to go to the library.”, Raphael mutters when Simon pulls him towards the entrance of a cheap-looking diner. He tries to fight it but of course, Simon is stronger than him. 

Raphael has scanned through pretty much every book in Magnus’ home twice -  he's done this before, back after he was turned to find out if you could somehow get back to being a mundane. Be careful what you wish for. 

Even the additions Magnus has made in the last decades haven't been helpful by finding out what he has been hit with, so the next option is to go to a public library. And bless New York for having some that are open 24/7.

Of course he could go outside during the day nowadays, but first, his biorhythm still isn't used to being awake during the day and second, he doesn't feel comfortable in the sun. 

He's spent several hours standing at the window in Magnus’ living room, feeling the warmth of the sun on his skin. He hasn't been able to do that in 60 years. And truth be told, it has felt weird. Unnatural. 

He'd never thought he'd feel that way. 

It's an open secret among vampires: all of them miss the sun. They remember it clearly, connecting it to the nice memories of being alive. But none of them know what it'd be like to step into it after years of missing it. How alien they feel towards it. 

They're not part of this world and they'll never be again. 

Or maybe Raphael just doesn't want to be a mundane any more - that thought has crossed his mind. He's accepted his fate after a few years of longing for what has been. He really got rid of wishing to be turned back once his brothers got old - even if he stayed a mundane now, he'd outlive them. And they'd die alone. 

So if he has to see them die, he'd rather stay alive and  _ achieve _ something. And that's what he can do if he leads the vampires, if he does his best to protect them in the upcoming war. That's his destiny. 

“A bird told me you've been eating poorly.”, Simon says as he opens the door of the diner. “So we'll be changing that now.”

“I don't want to  _ eat _ .”, Raphael says firmly. 

“Oh, don't worry. It'll be quick. We'll be in the library before you know it.”, Simon promises. “Look,” he adds in a whisper, “You've told  _ me _ how important it is to accept your current state of being and  _ live _ like it. You're a normal human at this point. You need food.”

Raphael groans at that. He's had a sandwich this morning. Surely, that will be enough, right? After all, he only feeds once a day while being a vampire. Trained ones can even go a couple of days without withdrawal. That mundanes apparently have to eat multiple times a day just shows how weak and inferior they are. 

Simon pulls him to a table inside, pressing him down to sit on one of the red leather benches. He himself sits down across from him and grabs the menu. “You wouldn't have a clue what's good, have you? Do you think they still have food that  _ you _ know?”

Raphael guesses that Simon is assuming he's way older than he actually is - probably because barely 80 years really isn't much for a vampire (half the clan is older than him,  _ Dios _ ). He doesn't feel like correcting Simon because surely it's more intimidating for him to think that he knew Galilei or a huge figure like that, so he just glares at Simon, who seems oblivious to it while he scans through the menu. 

“You should go with something classy.”, Simon says after a while. “I think--”

Just when he wants to announce his decision, the waitress appears. Her blond hair is pulled into a strong ponytail that falls onto her barely dressed shoulder. Raphael wonders if it's even allowed to wear a top with spaghetti straps for your uniform. Or maybe this diner doesn't really have one? Her clothes looks casual, the only thing that could connect her to the diner is the red of her shirt that mirrors in the seats. “Evening, boys. What can I bring you?”

Raphael frowns at her. They'd just come in, so she can't possibly think they'd already decided for something, can she? 

Simon, however, gives her a wide smile. “We'll have a big strawberry milkshake and a small order of fries, thank you.”, he says and closes the menu. 

The girl nods and writes it down. Without even so much as glancing at Raphael, she leaves. 

Just when Raphael opens his mouth to point out that this was quite rude, Simon talks. “If your next sentence starts with ‘Back in my day…’, nothing will ever stop me from calling you a grandpa.”, he says cheerfully. 

Raphael growls. “ _ I _ will. Physically. Once I've got my powers back.”

“Why are you so desperate to even get them back?”, Simon asks. There's a look of actual curiosity in his eyes for a short moment just to be swapped for something between shock and fear. It's good to know Simon’s still scared of him. 

“You know, once you got used to being a vampire, your whole worldview changes.”, Raphael says slowly. His personal reasons are none of Simon’s business, of course, but he's still his mentor after all. “You  _ are _ a vampire, no matter what.”

“So, what you’re saying is you have been a vampire for so long, you don’t know what being human is like any more.”

 

-

 

Raphael is still himself and at the same time he’s not. Not just because he’s not a  _ vampire _ any more, but because for short seconds, Simon could swear he can see him look unsure. Like he doesn’t know what he’s doing.

He supposes it really must be hard for him to suddenly be a mundane again, probably even worse than what Simon has felt when he got turned.  _ He _ still had Clary and got powers on top of that. But Raphael has lost his powers  _ and _ what could probably be considered his family. He’s thrown back into a life he had to leave behind centuries ago, after everything he once knew was gone. 

So Simon doesn’t comment on the small pout Raphael wears for a moment. He actually regrets pointing out Raphael’s missing mundane-skills now that he sees his low-key hurt expression.

He’s glad when the waitress comes back after just a few more seconds, carrying a big glass towards them. As she puts it and the bowl of fries down on the table between them, Simon notices the drink has  _ two _ straws.

As Raphael stares down at either the straws or the milkshake itself, Simon flashes the waitress a smile nonetheless. It’s not her fault that she’s assume he and Raphael are here on a date, after all they are two people and ordered only one drink. He’d have probably assumed the same thing.

When she’s gone, he reaches forward and pulls the straw pointing at him out of the glass. Raphael keeps staring at the drink as if it’s going to attack him.

Surely Raphael would know about the existence of milkshakes, right?  _ Shit _ , when were milkshakes invented? Is it a 20th century thing? 

“It’s pretty much just strawberry ice cream,” he starts to explain, “Just with more--”

“ _ Yes _ , I  _ know _ what a milkshake is.”, Raphael snarls. 

“Well, then. Enjoy it.”

Simon guesses it’s the delicious smell that comes from the fries that has won Raphael over (The only thing that keeps  _ Simon _ from just grabbing a handful is that he remembers the last time he ate normal food. It hasn’t been a pleasant experience.) because soon enough he takes a fry and bites the tip of. Simon can’t tell if the hesitation is because he’s never had fries in the first place or because he doesn’t trust the diner.

It’s quite a weird sight to see Raphael drink his milkshake. Of course, Simon has seen Raphael feed before - back in the hotel, Raphael took Simon to the blood reserves a couple of times when he was about to get his own anyway to make sure that he wouldn’t forget it. But then Raphael would have filled his own into a _wine_ _glass_ because he’s just a drama queen like that. Now however, he’s drinking through a _straw_ , leaning over the table and frowning at the taste of it.

He looks ridiculous and Simon loves it. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, darlings! If my planning is right, this chapter marks like 50% of the story being passed, yay!  
> I hope you enjoy!

Raphael’s napped for a few hours in the morning. He and Simon had been roaming the occultism section of the library they’d gone to for the whole night after Raphael had finished his food. Raphael would actually have stayed there for  longer if it hadn’t been for Simon’s alarm to go off and announce that the sun would rise in an hour.

It’s actually filled him with a small amount of pride to see that Simon has learned to think this far, even if setting a phone alarm isn’t the traditional way to do it.

Their search hasn’t been very successful. Most books they’ve found that even included vampires as a topic have dealt with  _ killing _ them instead of turning them back into humans. Of course, Raphael isn’t surprised by that, seeing how these books are even more trivial than those that Magnus has and probably based on rumours rather than experience. And yet, he has hope.

That’s the reasons why he, as soon as he wakes up - luckily he’s never needed much sleep anyway -, wants to leave Magnus’ flat again to get back to the library and continue his search. And when he’s finished with this one, he’ll go to the next. And if need be, the next, too. It’s not like New York doesn’t have enough opportunities.

He’s hoped to leave before Magnus gets up. From what Raphael could tell when he got inside the apartment (Simon had been insisting on staying there, too, but Raphael has convinced him to go  _ home _ ), he couldn’t see the warlock anywhere, so he’s guessed that Bane had gone to bed.

Now, however, he’s seated in the living room, surrounded by several flasks filled with liquids of all colours. Some of them he seems to be cooling with magic, others appear to be cooking. Whatever he’s brewing, though, does not smell good. He doesn’t need enhances senses to notice that.

“Good morning,” Magnus says, lifting his gaze from the book on his lap when Raphael leaves the guest room, “How did the night go?”

Raphael sighs, “The only thing I found out is that I still like milkshakes, apparently.”

Magnus raises his eyebrow in question.

“Apparently, he’s bound to return the favour of making sure I act according to what I am.”, Raphael tells him. “Anyway, I’m gonna go back to the library now.”

“Wait, what?”, Magnus makes and sits up a bit more, “When did you even get  _ back _ ?”

“Around half to six.”, Raphael says, “And now I’m leaving again. At quarter to eleven. Would you look at that.”

He turns towards the door but before he can even take a step, the lock suddenly makes a noise as if it’s being turned.

“Did you just  _ lock the door _ ?”, he says slowly and looks over his shoulder.

“Maybe.”, Magnus replies with a smile. “You better sit down and  _ relax _ for a bit, Raph. You won’t be helpful if you collapsed from exhaustion. Besides, this potion will be finished in half an hour and I’ll have to get it to my client anyway, so I can take you to the library.”

“No need. You know I don’t need much sleep. And the library isn’t far. I think even mundane legs can make it.”, Raphael says, “I just want to get this over as quickly as possible. Maybe there’s a limit about how long you can take the spell back?”

Magnus sighs. “I  _ can’t _ let you go outside alone, Raphael. We don’t know if you  _ were _ a target. Maybe someone will show up to kill you for good. It’s too dangerous for you to go alone.”

Raphael glares at him. He doesn’t think that this warlock had really wanted to hit  _ him _ . He and Simon shouldn’t have been there anyway, so the warlock probably has seen that there were vampires and decided to try out his new spell or something the like. Plus, even if Raphael got into a fight, his abilities were not just limited to his strength and speed when he was a vampire but skills and technique, too. He’d be able to get out of it, he’s sure.

“Come on, you can wait for 45 minutes.”, Magnus says. “You could have breakfast. Healthy humans eat more often than once a day.”

Raphael grumbles but moves closer to the couch anyway. He wouldn’t even be able to open a door that’s locked with magic if he had his usual strength.

 

-

 

Simon’s been glad to learn that not everything he’s known about vampires is wrong. He’d thought all of them were moody and spent their time staring at walls or something (that seems to apply to Raphael, at least) but when he moved into the Hotel DuMort, he’d noticed that actually, once the vampires have known you for a while, they’re quite touchy-feely. He guesses it’s because they only have each other. No matter at what time he comes into the big living room, he’d always find a couple of clan members curled up on the couched, either talking or listening to music or something else. It’s quite cute.

And yet, they respect each others privacy. Once you retrieved to your own room, they’d leave you alone. So far, whenever Simon had been to his room, only Raphael has made a move to disturb him - and even then it’s just been to remind him that he needs to feed. 

Today, however, there’s a firm knock on the door that wakes Simon up before the sun’s even started to set, as he sees when he shoots a look at his phone.

“Baby, open up. I need to talk to you,” a female voice announces. Simon needs a moment to recognize that it’s Lily - he’s not really used to her directly speaking to him. 

“Uh, yeah, hang on.”, he says towards the door and gets out of his bed. It’s stupid really, but with how good every other vampire looks all the time (even Raphael as a Mundane!), he goes to check his hair in the mirror, seeing how he can’t really do anything about his pajamas right now. 

Once he’s made sure that nothing is too much out of place, he opens the door to see Lily stand there, wearing a dark pantsuit. Ever since Raphael hasn’t been in the hotel and she became the leader of the clan, she’s started to wear even more fancy things than before. Simon wonders if that’s a curse.

“Um, hi, Lily.”, he says slowly, “What’s up?”

Lily steps inside, softly throwing the door shut behind her and looks around the room. Simon does so, too, just to check if there’s anything embarrassing lying around. He can’t really spot anything, so he assumes he’s safe.

Then she suddenly looks directly into his eyes. “I need to see Raphael.”

“Uh,” Simon makes. He doesn’t really think that Raphael would appreciate one of his inferior clan members seeing that he’s a  _ mundane _ . “Why exactly?”

“Look, Raphael has been gone for almost a week and all we have as a reassurance that he’s not dead is your word.”, Lily answers, “Not that I’m saying you’d be  _ able _ to keep that from us… But it’s a fact. We have no idea  _ what _ exactly is wrong with him. And frankly, I’m worried.”

“I… Look, he’s not deadly injured, believe me. But I don’t think he’s up to seeing any of you guys at the moment. If I hadn’t been there when it happened, he wouldn’t have me around either.”, Simon tells her. It’s not even a lie. 

“He’s not even answering my text messages,” Lily says. Simon’s stunned for a moment. Somehow he hadn’t really expected either her or Raphael to be the texting type. It makes sense, of course. “I’d really like to see him in person if possible, so I hope you can arrange that. If not, I will somehow find out Magnus Bane’s address and show up there on my own.”

Simon gulps. Magnus isn’t particularly fond of people he doesn’t know showing up on his doorstep because apparently, there used to be some issues with customers appearing at the most unfortunate hours. He’s probably be pissed at  _ Simon _ for not stopping her. “I’ll talk to them.”, he promises.

“Good.”, Lily nods. “And now, baby, go and get some blood.”

Simon gives her a smile. If there’s one thing that’s truly good about every vampire, it’s the feeling of unity they have for one another, no matter what.

 

-

 

At this point, Raphael is not even surprised when Simon shows up at the library shortly after midnight. 

He's spent half the day in the occultism section to continue the search they'd started last night. So far he's found nothing. 

He could curse Magnus for insisting that he'd take Raphael to the library, ‘to make sure nothing happens’, as he's said. Raphael doubts that anyone who would want him dead were to attack in the broad daylight, but Magnus hasn't listened to any of his complaints.  _ And _ when they were finally good to go, he hasn't produced a portal like Raphael had expected him to.  _ No _ , he's insisted that they  _ walk _ because it has been ‘such a nice day out’! 

Raphael has understood, of course, that this was yet another try of him to make him do mundane things - he'd tried with the food and now he's tried with the  _ sun _ . 

He probably has misinterpreted Raphael testing out what the warmth feels like on his skin as he's stood in front of the window of Magnus’ guest room and thought that he'd want to  _ try it out _ but wouldn't dare to or something the like. 

Being  _ out _ in the sunlight has been as bad as Raphael had thought. He'd quickly felt too hot and his eyes, that have spent the past 50 years in the darkness, have hurt from the light so much that Raphael had basically begged Magnus to produce a pair of sunglasses  _ somehow _ . 

Eventually, even the warlock has had to agree that this might not have been his best idea, but he insisted that Raphael could get used to it, if he liked.

But Raphael doesn't want to get used to it - not anymore, at least - and that's why he's scanning through book after book. 

Simon showing up should have annoyed him, probably, but actually he's glad for all the help he can get. The speed that vampires have is only limited to their movements, not to their brain functions, so he can't use it in the search but it's still one more person who looks. 

“Magnus said you've been here the whole day?”, Simon says as a greeting when he steps closer to the table Raphael's seated at. 

Raphael grunts and turns the page. “I wish. But he'd insisted I needed  _ a walk through Central Park. _ ”

The way Simon gulps at that makes him raise an eyebrow. Of course it's been  _ his _ idea. As a fledgling, Simon doesn't have a clue how an older vampire would feel about the sun. For him, it's close to what he's been only a few months ago - he wouldn't have a problem with it and he doesn't think others would. 

“So, you haven't actually eaten today?”

“No,” Raphael says curtly. Then, as he guesses that arguing with Simon probably won't help and will only distract either of them from scanning through books, he adds, “Later.”

Simon just nods and picks something from the bookshelf. 

They actually read for quite some time, quietly and each of them in their own pace, until Simon feels the need to speak up again. Of course. 

Raphael thinks he'd want to start again with the whole  _ eating _ thing again and prepares mentally for telling his fledgling that he won't take  _ orders _ from him. 

However, Simon surprises him. 

“Lily came to talk to me,” the young vampire says, “She wants to see you.”

“She ca--”

“I know, I told her.”, Simon assures him. “I said you don't want any visitors but she's  _ insisting _ . She said she'll run in Magnus’ door if necessary.”

Raphael presses his lips together at that. He has no doubt that Lily could and would follow through with that. For someone with her wit and determination it wouldn't be too difficult to figure out where the High Warlock of her town lives. She's got connections to all kinds of Downworlders and even if she hadn't, her charme would surely be helpful. 

“She's worried, you know.”, Simon continues. “I know I don't have anything to say in this but… look, from what I can tell, Lily truly cares about you. She wouldn't turn the clan against you just because you're  _ temporarily _ no vampire.”

Deep down, Raphael knows that he's right. If there's anyone in the clan he'd consider a real friend, it would be Lily. They have understandings of all kinds in various topics. Lily had been his confidant as he plotted ending Camille’s regime and together they'd figured out how to do it. He knows that she'd be by his side -  _ she's  _ said he'd be a good leader - and yet he doesn't want her to see him like this. 

Not just because of the faint fear that maybe her loyalty only endures for so long as he is a vampire, but also because of the most fatal thing any being with a conscious can feel: pride. 

Ever since he's become a member of the clan, he's done his best to embrace his vampirism. He's made a name of himself as a vampire - and  _ only _ as a vampire. Now that he's back to being a mundane, there's not much left of the person he's become in the last decades - if he were to stay like this, he'd start from the bottom. 

“I'll think about it,” he says to shut Simon up. 

“Uh, actually she kinda wants to see you as soon as possible…”, Simon says and scratches his neck. “She was being really intimidating, I tell you.”

Raphael stays silent at that. He doesn't need any more distraction from his search for a cure and he certainly doesn't need anyone with the power to turn his situation against him. 

“I think it'd be good to have her visit. That way  _ she _ can tell the clan something - she'll be able to make something up if she knows.”, Simon tells him. He sounds almost begging, “Raph, trust me, this'll be good.”

Raphael narrows his eyes at him at the nickname but he can't truly doubt his words. There's a kind of logic behind what Simon says - and, for some reason, he takes the trust that Simon addresses to the heart. With how  _ much _ Simon does for him at this point, it's hardly just because of guilt. He can't really describe why he thinks so, because after all there's nothing that truly connects them, but it feels like he has another reason to act like he does. 

“Tell her to come by tomorrow.”, Raphael tells him. He puts some annoyance into his voice again to show Simon that just because he agrees with him doesn't mean that they're equals now, “You can come with if you  _ concentrate on reading now _ .”


	8. Chapter 8

When Simon had come back to the hotel in the morning, the sun had been visible a bit already, so it's no surprise that Lily has already gone to sleep at that time. 

He would've been back earlier if Raphael hadn't insisted on searching for literature until Simon’s alarm went off. Simon guesses that he's hoped he'd forget about the fact that Raphael still needed food, but it hasn't actually stopped him from buying a portion of fries for his mentor that he could devour on his way back to Magnus’ apartment. 

He's actually eaten them eventually - Simon guessed that the fact that  _ he's _ paid it with his  _ own _ money is what made him try a fry. Raphael may wear designer clothes, but he doesn't seem like the person who lets other people waste their money for him. 

His avoiding the other vampires finds its ending in the early evening when he steps into the living room in search for their current clan leader. He's surprised to see that none of the vampires leaves the room at the sight of him - from what he'd figured he thought most of them would share their opinion with Stan and blame him for Raphael’s fate. They'd be right, of course, so it's confusing to not see them reacting negatively. 

“Hey, Simon, so you  _ are _ still living in the hotel,” Elliott says as he looks up from his Nintendo DS. “We'd thought Stan had managed to get you out of here.”, he adds, smiling to indicate that he doesn't mean it seriously. 

Simon likes Elliott, from what he can tell. The two men haven't interacted much but whenever Simon sees him, the dark-skinned vampire would play on some console. That's, like, one of the things that would definitely win him over. 

“Huh, no, I'm actually here every day.”, Simon tells him, stepping closer to the couch. “In the nights I'm looking after Raphael.”

“Figured as much.”, Elliott nods. “You know, I'd thought it's weird that you're allowed to go there but none of us, but actually I get it, it's different for the two of you anyways, right?”

Simon frowns at that. The way Elliott phrases it doesn't sound like he is aware Simon is only allowed to see Raphael because he's been there anyway (at least, that's what the vampires are supposed to think). He doesn't have the time to discuss it with him now, so he asks, “Do you know where Lily is?”

“Probably in the library.”, Elliott shrugs. “If she isn’t in her room or here, she’s in the library, don’t you know?”

Simon’s about to say that  _ no _ , apparently he did not know, but decides against it. He’s glad that at least  _ one _ vampire isn’t about to cut his throat at any given moment, so he doesn’t want to stress it. Instead he says thank you before rushing towards the library.

Lily’s determined to leave immediately when he’s told her that Raphael agrees to seeing her - she’s pretty much dragging him out of the room, barely leaving him the chance to text Magnus that they’re coming over.

 

-

 

“Simon is bringing Lily,” Raphael announcing as he replies to the text that Simon has sent Magnus. Since Raphael’s destroyed his phone in a fit of anger, that’s how he communicates with everyone at the moment. “You don't have a problem with it, have you?”

Magnus shakes his head, twirling his finger around the froth on top of the drinks he's preparing. For some reason, he’s decided that Raphael needs to get a taste of iced latte macchiatos. According to him, those are much better than usual coffee (about those Raphael had recently found out that even spending 50 years without drinking a single sip won't help you enjoy the taste) and he's determined to show him. Raphael's not entirely sure if those coffees even count as normal macchiatos, considering they're prepared with magic. 

“So, you're actually  _ telling _ someone that you're a mundane?”

“ _ Temporarily _ .”, Raphael insists. “Also, what do you mean  _ actually _ ? It's not like nobody knows. Your Shadowhunters and his little fanclub know, the  _ youngest _ member of my clan knows -- the least I can do is stop lying to my second.”

“Don't forget Ragnor in that list,” Magnus says absently, pouring some cocoa pulver on top of the cream. 

“What?”

“In the list of people who know.”, Magnus explains. 

Raphael raises an eyebrow at his friend. “I haven't told Ragnor.”

For a split second a horrifying thought crosses his mind: maybe Ragnor is the one who's figured it out. Maybe he's the one who's found out how to turn vampires back into humans. But if he had, why would he have attacked Raphael from behind rather than telling him upfront? 

No, if he knows he must've found out in another way. 

“I…  _ kind of _ told him? You know, I've contacted him, of course, in our search for that warlock and Ragnor, being Ragnor, wanted all the details.”, Magnus says quickly. There's something like uncertainty in his voice and if Raphael was in another mood, he'd enjoy seeing him like this. “I mean, it's  _ Ragnor _ . He's our  _ friend _ .”

Raphael clenches his jaw at that. Of course, Ragnor  _ is _ their friend. Actually, Raphael has known him almost for as long as he's known Magnus - their friendship is based on nothing more but the same kind of humour and a compatibility of their personalities, but it's on an entire different level than the one Raphael shares with Magnus. 

And that's why he feels uncomfortable with knowing that  _ Magnus _ has told Ragnor. He can only imagine how  _ hurt _ the green-skinned warlock must've been to hear the news from someone else than Raphael himself, especially considering their contact has kind of been frozen lately. With overthrowing Camille, training Simon and the dooming threat of Valentine on the horizon, it's been difficult for him to have anything else in mind than the things in his immediate environment. But now, with this at least, he could have talked to Ragnor. 

“I'm surprised that he didn't contact you,” Magnus says and steps over to the couch, carrying a glad in each hand. Raphael accepts his with a grim nod. “I guess he's accepted at last that it's better to leave you alone when you're in a mood.”

“Maybe he's angry  _ I _ didn't tell him.”, Raphael blurts out before he can stop himself. Sharing his thoughts with Magnus is certainly nothing he's planned to do. 

“Nah, I don't think so.”, Magnus says and crosses his legs. “If there's anybody who knows when to talk to you and when not, it's Rags, isn't it?”

“Hm,” Raphael makes, considering it. He's not entirely sure if he would've reacted negatively towards getting a worried phone call from Ragnor or not, actually. He's never been a fan of having people mothering him, so it would probably have been the first choice. And still, it bothers him that he hasn't thought of contacting his friend. He should probably call him later. 

“Now drink your coffee, darling, this may be magical but it doesn't stay this awesome forever.”

 

-

 

As it turns out, Lily is easily annoyed when things don’t go fast. She’s definitely annoyed when they finally arrive at Magnus’ door - Simon had told her the address beforehand, figuring that she’d probably be faster than him, but either she doesn't know her way around Brooklyn or she didn’t want to be there first. So she’s had to let Simon lead the way and since he’s still not on top of his performance, they haven’t been as fast as they probably could have been.

“Why can’t we just have him create a portal?”

Simon looks at her and shrugs. “I don’t know? It would be rude, wouldn’t it? After all,  _ we’re _ the ones who want to be there.”

Lily just scoffs at that and motions for him to knock on the door.

Simon doesn’t know what he’s expected her to do once the door was opened, but he certainly hadn’t thought her to rush past Magnus and throw herself at Raphael, pulling him into a hug as soon as she’s seen him.

Simon shoots a look at Magnus and sees that he’s only huffing at the fact that Lily barged into his home without even greeting him but left him standing at the door.

Raphael seems surprised, too. For a second, he just freezes but then he places his hand on her back, returning the hug. “Hello, Lily.”, he says softly.

Of course, Simon probably shouldn’t be surprised either, seeing how Raphael and Lily must’ve been close  _ somehow _ if he trusts her with the clan, and yet he is. A part of him had been guessing the whole time that they do like each other only in a business-like way rather than a personal one. Like, no hugging. Maybe firm handshakes.

Magnus motions at him to come in and just when he follows the order, Lily finally lets go off Raphael and sits back.

Simon can’t see her face, but her shock must be both visible and audible as she exclaims, “You’re a--! But… What?  _ How _ ?”

Raphael’s face goes back to a serious, almost grumpy, expression. “If only we knew.”, he sighs.

Lily turns her head to Simon , looking at him with a furious expression. “You  _ lied _ to me! You said he was  _ injured _ !”

Before Simon can even open his mouth to reply, Raphael puts a hand on her knee to gain her attention again. They’re prectically sitting in the same spot, so Simon is slightly impressed that such a small gesture even works.

“ _ I _ have asked him to tell nobody.”, Raphael tells her firmly. “If you want to be mad at someone, choose me. For once in his life, Simon’s done nothing wrong.”

Simon should’ve felt offended at that, probably, if those words hadn’t kept him from being ripped apart by an angry Lily.

Now, however, Lily is wearing what sounds like both hurt and worry. “But…  _ why _ ?”

The next moment, Simon feels a nudge against his upper arm. It  _ hurts _ him, so Magnus must’ve put quite a force into the punch. As Simon looks up at him, he sends him his best irritated look.

Magnus lifts his eyebrows in response, nodding slightly towards the kitchen.  _ Apparently, the longer you live, the better your manners in regards of personal conversations get _ , Simon thinks as he notices that  _ yeah _ , this isn’t probably his thing to be present to.

He nods back and then they leave the room. It’s not like he even wants to know what exactly they’re going to talk about.

 

-

  
  


Raphael's confused when he enters the kitchen of Magnus’ apartment and finds neither him nor Simon. He's just told off Lily with a lot of pointed words causing her to leave the flat abruptly, slamming the door behind her,so he figured he should tell them that her visit is over. 

It's apparent that Lily is angry at him - he can understand why because he pretty much just told her to knock off trying to help him, which is quite the opposite of what a clan is there for. The thing is, though, that the clan has enough troubles as it is already with the whole Camille affair and the attacks that Valentine’s men start, that they shouldn't be forced to work on an impossible task, too. 

When he’d seen Magnus and Simon leave the room, Raphael’s told her slowly, “We’re still hoping that this is only temporary.”

“Do you have any clue how to fix this? Shall we help?”, Lily’s offered, sounding nervous.

“No, we don’t know yet. And there’s a reason I haven’t let Simon tell you about this.”, Raphael’s said sharply. “You  _ can’t _ let the others know.”

“Raphael, they wouldn’t overthrow you!  _ You’re _ the one who freed us of Camille.”, Lily’s caught up on what he was trying to say immediately. “Let us help.”

“You  _ can’t _ .”, Raphael’s shot, his voice a weird mixture of aggression and… sadness. “This is something that only a warlock can fix.”

“And you trust  _ Magnus Bane _ with it? I get you're stuck with him because he was there--”

“I trust Magnus with my  _ life _ .”, Raphael has snapped at her. He hasn’t meant to say it that violently, especially considering that the reasons for his and Magnus’ friendship are somethign that he’d rather hide, but it’s a fact. “If I were you, I'd refrain from insulting him in his own home.”. 

Lily’s kept insisting that the vampires could do  _ something _ and Raphael kept saying over and over that he doesn’t want them to. In the end, they both got heated up in the argument, basically screaming at one another in the end until lily left the flat, slamming the door behind herself. 

Raphael should probably feel guilty about that, scared even that this would lead her to tell them out of  _ spite _ \- but somehow he’s rather positive that she won’t. Lily may not agree with his reasoning, but she’s always respected his decisions and knows how to keep a secret. 

He knows that the Shadowhunters aren't doing all that they could, either, because of the dooming threat on their horizon (and, he supposes, because he's a  _ vampire _ ). Simon’s friends have said they'd help - pretty much only because they feel responsible because they were present, Raphael assumes - but he doesn't think they could do much more than what they've done with identifying the people they thought against. Even Magnus has already done all that he could by initiating the search for the warlocks among his brethren. 

So, actually, looking at it from a logical point, there's only two people left who could actively work on finding a solution. It's him and  _ Simon _ against the world. 

As he stands in the kitchen, he guesses that Magnus must have opened a portal for them to get out of the apartment without interrupting any more. Raphael feels slightly guilty for not having asked Lily to have their conversation in the guest room rather than the living room, but he also supposes that maybe  _ Magnus _ could need some time out of his flat as well. He's barely left it since Raphael got there because he's been busy brewing potions or something the like. 

He can actually imagine that Magnus and Simon would get along. Even if Magnus has his moods sometimes, they both have a fair share of humour that could give them the opportunity of enjoying some time together. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't watch my soccer game so I'm procrastinating doing my Sanskrit homework by giving you this! :)

Simon’s  _ exhausted _ when he arrives at Magnus’ place. Technically, he wouldn’t be breathless - if he’d learnt that he doesn’t  _ need _ to breathe. Especially when he’s doing stressful things, he’d find himself fall back into that mundane habit. Raphael’s called him out on it multiple times during their training sessions, saying that his breathing wastes unnecessary energy and that it would probably tell his enemies where he is. And yet, Simon just can’t shake it off.

He’s spent most of the night running from library to diner to another library to  _ any place _ he could relate to Raphael.

It’s become quite a habit for them to look through books at the library together in the nights. Simon would come around once it’s gotten dark - he never knows for how long Raphael has truly already been there when he arrives - and they’d search until it isn’t long until sunrise. Then Simon would drag Raphael into some restaurant and make him  _ eat _ . He’s heard from Magnus that he still barely consumes anything. And not only is that unhealthy, but Simon can’t believe Raphael would voluntarily miss the opportunity to eat so many  _ fantastic _ things.

Raphael would always play the role of Grumpy Cat, but at times Simon can see him enjoy the meal he’s been presented, so he counts that as a success.

However, the clan leader hasn’t been at the library when Simon has shown up. He hasn’t thought much of it at first, but guessed that he must’ve gone to another one. But when he hasn’t found him at the next one he went to, either, he’s slowly started panicking.

So now, he’s finally at Magnus’ place and about to tell him that he  _ can’t find _ Raphael anywhere and that he thinks he might have been attacked or something.

When Magnus answers the door, the warlock just sighs, though and waves him in. “I was wondering when you’d show up.”

“What?”, Simon gasps. “Is he alright?”

“He certainly isn’t.”, Magnus says quietly, throwing a look towards the dinner table. Simon’s expecting to find Raphael sitting there, but it turns out to be Alec. “He hasn’t left his room in hours.”, he adds, looking back at Simon. “I have to say, he switched from stubbornness to depression real fast this time.”, Magnus says, a faint hint of sadness in his voice. “Within the span of a week…”

“You've seen him like this before?”,  Alec asks, putting his legs down from the chair they've been placed on. 

He seems so comfortable in Magnus’ apartment at this point that Simon guesses the Shadowhunter has spent the days here while he's been in the DuMort. However, he can imagine it's been for different reasons than his. 

“Yes.”, Magnus replies shortly, massaging the bridge of his nose. “But it isn't my place to say any more.”

“And he's been in his room since this morning?”

“Yes.”

“I'm going to talk to him.”, Simon says and stands up. He's quite tired from running through the whole city, but he's really worried for Raphael. He knows that the other is a moody person, obviously, but he could swear that Raphael has  _ never _ isolated himself completely. Especially since he'd been highly motivated only yesterday. 

“Simon,” Magnus starts. Simon has learnt that if Magnus actually uses his real name, things are dead serious. However, the look in the warlock’s eye changes slightly and loses its earnestness. “You know what? I think that's a good idea.”

Simon shoots him an angry look at the surprise that Magnus’ voice wears. All of the others act like he is the dumbest person alive, simply because he's new to the whole supernatural being thing. That some things just include logic or empathy is beyond them. 

He feels both Alec’s and Magnus’ eyes on him as he makes his way towards the guest room, but decides to ignore them. He's rather thinking about what to say to Raphael. The only reasons he thinks  _ he _ has to talk to him is that they're in the same clan, that Raphael is his mentor, and that it's practically his fault that the other is in this position. 

He knocks on the door. “Raphael?”

There's no response. And still none when he knocks again. 

Then he does something that could turn out to be incredibly stupid: he just opens the door. 

It's completely dark inside the room, not a single ray of the rising sun noticeable behind the black curtains. Simon’s never been in Raphael’s room in the Hotel but he imagines that even that one can't be as dark as it is right now. Even his vampire eyes can barely make out anything. 

“Raphael?”, he whispers again, looking at the figure lying on the bed. 

Raphael’s curled up on his side, facing the window so Simon can't tell if he's asleep or not. 

“Raph?”, he tries again, and when doesn't get an answer, he guesses that Raphael must be asleep. 

He doesn't want to wake him up because if Raphael falls asleep, he needs it. From what Simon knows, sleep is just a necessity to him. 

At the sight of the sleeping man in front of him, Simon suppresses a yawn. It's early morning now and usually he'd go to bed at this time, too. 

He makes another dumb decision by deciding to sleep right here and now. Magnus and Alec are in the living room and Simon would feel awful if he were to throw them out of it - after all, it's  _ Magnus’ _ flat - but he feels it in his bones that he needs some rest. Using Magnus’ bedroom isn't an option either, of course. 

So the only thing that he still needs to figure out is  _ where _ to sleep. He could just lie down on the floor but he probably won't be able to actually fall asleep on it. Ever since he's moved into the hotel, he's used to extra soft beds. Besides, Raphael is lying on the far side of a _ king-sized _ bed. Surely he could lie down at the other edge without him minding, right? 

So he steps over, lying down on the covers as he is and closes his eyes as soon as he's sure there's enough space between him and Raphael. Then he slowly falls asleep to the sound of his mentor’s breathing. 

 

-

 

Raphael wakes up to find his face nuzzled into a warm cotton shirt, which is slightly confusing to him. Since he's drawn the curtains as shut as possible when he came home, there's no light in the room so he can't really make out the face of the person he's practically cuddling with. They don't breathe, however, so he guesses it must be Simon. 

Much to his own surprise, his reaction isn't to wake up the other, but rather to let his head sink back against Simon’s chest and softly place a hand on his stomach. Since they started training, he must've gained some abs because his stomach feels hard and his skin is just a neutral temperature, but somehow Raphael feels comfortable. 

At the weight of his hand, though, Simon shifts slightly and in the next moment Raphael can feel how he's (probably) rubbing his nose. 

“Raphael?”, Simon says softly. 

The concern in his voice is what makes Raphael reply. He doesn't sound like he just feels guilty about having brought him into this whole mess, but rather like he actually cares. As if he has accepted that they're on the same clan. That they're family. 

“Since  _ you _ sneaked into  _ my _ bed, yes, obviously.”, he mumbles back without moving an inch. 

“ _ Why _ are we cuddling?”, Simon asks as he shifts a bit again. Raphael thinks that he's trying to sit up, but in the next moment there's an arm draped around his back and placed on his side. 

“We aren't  _ cuddling _ .”

And, for some reason, Simon has the audacity to  _ chuckle _ at his words. 

It makes Raphael smile slightly. “Why  _ are _ you even here?”

“It was morning when I finished looking through every library in Brooklyn.”, Simon answers casually. “Do you know how worried I was when I couldn't find you?”

Raphael stays silent. It's weird to think that his  _ fledgeling _ has been worried about his safety when, so far, it's only ever been the other way around. Usually he has to look out for Simon because he always runs after the Shadowhunters. 

“I mean, it's good that you've decided to rest at last.”, Simon continues. “But a little text or something would've been nice.”

He wouldn't have been able to do that. Not only because it would have meant  _ voicing _ his defeat but because he hasn't been able to do anything but lay in bed the whole time. 

He's meant to get up in the morning, but somehow he couldn't make himself leave the bed. He's tried to, but when he sat up he could do anything but sit around and stare at a wall, thinking about nothing and everything at once. A part of his mind has kept saying that they wouldn't find an antidote, the other said he needed to continue searching. His body, however, decided to do nothing. 

He doesn’t know why Simon knows how to act in a situation like that, but the fledgling does. Somehow, he manages perfectly when to speak and when to shut up, how to rub circles on Raphael’s back that make him feel slightly better.  

“I’ve been thinking… Even if we don't find that warlock… Jace was right, you know, there's always the option of turning you again. Look, I don't know the first thing about this sire business, but I'd  _ never _ exploit it. I'm way too scared of you, man. And if you really don't want  _ me _ to do it, there's still a whole club of vampires who'd be up for it, no doubt.”, Simon tells him after a while of silence. “You wouldn't die, you're too strong. If  _ I _ could make it, so can you.”

Raphael  _ knows _ that he's strong, but he's seen enough people die during their transformation to know that, ultimately, it's not about strength. It's about survival. And for that to kick in, you'd need a  _ reason _ . 

“It's different.”, Raphael decides. “You  _ loved _ life.”

Over the past decades, Raphael has simply become  _ used _ to life. He has duties towards the clan and the Clave that he fulfills eagerly, they give him a feeling of  _ purpose _ . 

But he's not happy. 

“Raphael,” Simon starts and he expects him to lunge into a speech about how great life is or some other nonsense. To his surprise, he just continues with, “Let's get some more rest.”

 

-

 

Simon thinks it's weird that he enjoys it so much, lying in bed with Raphael and talking. A part of him realises how intimate this situation is because whenever the other moves, it sends shivers down Simon’s spine. Raphael may be a mundane now but Simon can still recall what he's been like before, how strong and collected, so naturally he's a bit scared. 

This situation is so unlike the Raphael he knows. Then again, this  _ Raphael _ is so unlike the Raphael he knows. 

He can't imagine that his mentor would like to lie around the whole day and do nothing. 

The cuddling his mind could probably accept, simply because Raphael has always been a touchy person. Not with big gestures like hugs or the like, but with small ones. When Simon has done well in training for once, Raphael would squeeze his shoulder rather than just say he did well. When Raphael wants to talk to you, he'd rather step into your personal space than address you verbally. 

It's small things that Simon has never questioned until now. 

They've napped some more in the afternoon but since early evening, they've done nothing but talk again. Raphael’s still buried his head into Simon’s chest and he still has his arm wrapped around the other. 

Much to his surprise, this day is the one where he learns about Raphael’s mundane life. The first one, the  _ only _ one. He learns how he's been turned and how  _ old _ he's been. 

Simon doesn't think that he'd ever have heard the whole story if this whole incident hadn't happened. 

“How many warlocks are in New York, what do you think?”, Simon asks. 

They've put on the TV by now, just to have something fill the silence whenever they're both quiet. Simon had also figured that Raphael could use a distraction, even if he doesn't want to see Magnus right now. 

“You think they could miss any?”

They've sat up by now - Simon counts it as both a loss and a win because on one hand, while it's been weird, it's felt nice to just lie around with Raphael but on the other it means that Raphael's mental state may be getting better. 

They're sitting side by side, their shoulders touching as they're facing the television. Simon doesn't even know what's on. 

“No,” he says, “don't be so negative.”

“I was being  _ realistic _ \--”

“I was just wondering how long it'd take, that's all.”

Naturally, not every warlock knows the other, but Magnus has still contacted all those that he knows right when Raphael was hit by the spell. His acquaintances have promised to contact those that they know and have those do the same and so forth. If one wasn't to respond or act suspicious, Magnus would be alerted and could pay them a visit to find out if they've found the right one. 

“It depends on how fast his brethren are. And when they decide that they’ve waited long enough for an answer.”, Raphael says. His voice sounds almost normal again. It’s still soft but it’s his matter-of-factly voice which Simon has grown to appreciate after the annoyance he’s felt at first whenever Raphael has meant to correct him.

“I hope that’s soon.”, Simon mumbles.

For some reason, Raphael  _ chuckles _ at that. A honest chuckle, not a sarcastic one and not one of his hollow loud laughs. A chuckle. Simon doesn’t know why he does it, but it doesn’t really matter at the moment. It’s a nice sound.

“Me too, _bebé_.”


	10. Chapter 10

“Is Bami Goreng acceptable as lunch on a Sunday?”, Raphael asks as soon as his call got picked up.

Naturally, he wouldn’t have had as much problems with calling Ragnor since he’s got all of his numbers memorized (admittedly, he does get them confused sometimes - he never knows which is the current one) but the phone Magnus has granted him as long as he can’t get a hold of his own money is a pretty old one. Raphael got into the whole having-a-portable-phone business only once smartphones were a thing and this old Nokia in his hand is more like an illness than anything other.

“Wow, not alone that you’re calling in the middle of a sunny afternoon, you do it to ask about  _ food _ .”, Ragnor replies cheerfully. “Talk about cultural shock.”

“Well, Magnus is busy and every other vampire is hopefully asleep.”, Raphael says dryly. Of course, that’s not his actual reason for calling  _ Ragnor _ , but he hopes the other catches on without him having to say the words. “Plus, it’s neither sunny nor afternoon here.”, he adds, looking at the thick raindrops hitting the floor.

“And yet you’re outside?”

“I’ve been to church.”, Raphael says.

It hadn’t even crossed his mind before that he could go to mass now that he’s back to being a human. Only last night, as he and Simon made their way back to Magnus’ place has he stopped in front of the huge building and  _ realized _ . He’s torn his eyes away from the church before Simon could notice him falling behind and address it.

The next morning, he got up even earlier than usually, and made his way through the mist with a  _ positive _ feeling, and took the subway towards Spanish Harlem. He has contemplated to just go back to the church he’d seen before, but then he’s decided that there’s one that has been waiting for him for literal  _ ages _ . 

Ever since he’s become part of the clan, he’s both gone and not gone to the church in their headquarter’s district. The first time he’d gone there, he’s tried to actually approach it - the pain and burns had almost been unbearable, but he’s gone further and further until he was about to collapse. In retrospective, he thinks he’s tried to cleanse himself, maybe. After that, he’s kept his distance to it, but he’s  _ gone there _ . 

He’s been there to every holiday that his mother had taught him to respect. He’s kneeled to pray for Christmas, the anniversary of his  _ bautismo _ , the Assumption of Mary, the  _ Domingo de Resurrección _ ,  _ Pentecostés _ and many more. With the years, the burn in his throat as he’s uttered the words has become less and less. Of course, it’s always been there, just like the burn on his chest from his mother’s necklace, but he’s learnt to deal with it.

Entering the small church has felt like coming home, in a way. He’s recognized most of the people who’ve been there from before, as he’s watched them enter the holy building, which made him feel like he’s been there before.

He hasn’t begged God to turn him back. Of course he hasn’t, especially not when a vampire symbolizes everything evil. But he’s asked for forgiveness for all the things he’s done in the past. He’s asked to be lead to doing the right thing. 

He’s been thankful for the fact that, despite all, his life is pretty good. He’s been thankful for the friends he’s found.

So he’s called Ragnor at last when he’s left the service, feeling like he could step up to finally having this conversation with the warlock.

“Your mother would be proud.”, Ragnor replies, his voice dripping with sarcasm. But for some reason, Raphael knows that he means it, too. “How are you?”

He takes a deep breath, for a second unsure what to reply. He could easily tell him that everything is fine, that he has adjusted to this life, that he’s positive that everything will be good in the end. 

But Raphael has just come out of church and been cleaned of his sins. It would be too early to start piling them up again.

 

-

 

For some reason, Lily has decided to take it upon herself that Simon receives training. And when he’s thought that  _ Raphael _ was bad… boy, had he been wrong.

Since Simon spends his nights with Raphael (okay, now  _ that _ sounds wrong), she can’t make him train with her at the usual hours. Her logical solution? Waking him up in the middle of the day. 

He could’ve dealt with coming home and being forced to have his ass kicked right then. He could’ve dealt with being woken up earlier and getting his ass kicked before he were to leave. But as it seems, Lily must still be pissed at him for lying to her even if it had been what Raphael wanted.

You see, she lets him sleep one or maybe even two hours just to  _ violently _ wake him up then. Then they’d train, Simon would be close to having a broken skull, and then she’d wish him a good night in her dangerously sweet voice.

He doesn’t deserve this. And whose fault is it? Raphael’s. He’d say he hates Raphael but the truth is, he doesn’t really. 

Ever since he first met Raphael, he’s been fascinated by him. Sure, the guy’s a dick, but he’s also careful and caring. Simon would almost say he’s  _ loving _ . That’s things he’s known from the start, actually, and now that he spends more and more time with him, he sees that he’s got a sense of humour beyond sarcasm, that he’s determined and conscientious and that he’s got  _ feelings _ .

“Uff,” Simon makes when he lands on the hard floor, having been thrown by Lily. Even with his super-fast healing, this’ll hurt for a long time. Maybe he does hate Raphael after all.

 

-

 

“How is your fledgling?”, Ragnor asks, a casual tone in his voice. “The last time you called you’d just gotten rid of Camille thanks to him, right? Is he treated as the hero that he is?”

“I wouldn’t say that.”, Raphael chuckles. Of course, Simon had been the catalyst for that, but he’s not actively done anything, so the clan is pretty… wary of him. “But he’s… he’s great.”

“Oh?”

“He’s annoying. And acts like he doesn’t understand anything. At times he’s really insufferable. But,” Raphael sighs, “He’s new. He’s fresh and optimistic. You know, not that the other clan members are boring or something but… everything they do has become calculated over the years. It’s the same for me, so I know it. And Simon… he doesn’t have that. You feel off-guard when he approaches you and it’s-- it’s actually nice.”

“Sounds like you’re fond of that guy.”, Ragnor replies. Raphael can  _ hear _ his grin.

“I’m not.”, Raphael says decidedly. “He answers with  _ Nicholas Cage _ quotes. It’s  _ annoying _ .”

From the other end comes laughter. “Why does your voice sound this affectionate?”

Raphael considers his answer for a moment. Ragnor’s always been able to spot when he’s lying and somehow he doesn’t think that a phone would hinder him from that. “I suppose I don’t  _ dislike _ him.”

“That’s good.”, Ragnor says and Raphael can imagine him nodding. “After all, from what I’ve heard he doesn’t seem to want to leave your side any time soon.”

“Are you  _ gossiping _ with Magnus?”, Raphael asks.

“ _ Hell _ , Rapha, don’t act like this comes as a surprise to you.”, Ragnor laughs. “Mags and I have made fun of other people before the French Revolution took place. In fact, Louis  _ Capet  _ was perfect for being laughed at.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just. Imagine Raphael fumbling around with, like, a Nokia 3210 or something. I laughed so hard writing this. Fuck, I need this as a fanart.


	11. Chapter 11

Simon doesn’t know how he’s been allowed to tag along. He’s been there when Alec’s arrived, looking ready to step into a fight - he’s wearing a _leather jacket_ and fingerless gloves as protection. He wonders if the Shadowhunters use something other than normal fabrics, something that makes them more stable. Or maybe they just like the aesthetic of it. Who knows.

Earlier, he’d stumbled into a fight that Magnus and Raphael have had in the early evening. It’s about two am now, leaving them enough time to finish their mission.

“I'm coming _with_!”, Raphael had spat at Magnus right when Simon entered the apartment.

With his frequent visits, Magnus had been fed up with opening the door for Simon every time so he's put a charm on the door that would recognise him and unlock. It's really handy, actually.

Right then, Raphael and Magnus had been standing opposite each other, their eyes locked over the coffee table. Magnus had his arms crossed in front of his chest, which would have made him look like he's pouting if it hadn't been for the cat eyes he'd been wearing. Raphael, put simply, had looked like he's about to jump at him any moment.

“Woah, what's happening here?”

“Someone didn't respond to Magnus’ nifty little telephone tree, so we're going to check them out.”, Raphael had explained, not looking away from Magnus. He’d sounded angry.

“Really? That's great!”

Truth be told, Simon hadn’t thought that either of them has actually been thinking that the search would bring anything any more. Even _Raphael_ had started to apparently accept that he’s no longer a vampire. _Man_ , the guy had started to voluntarily _eat_. For the past few days, he and Simon had been at the diner for longer than in the library. But as it seemed, they hadn’t completely given up just yet.

“Yes, it is.”, Magnus had said. “ _But_ there is no _we_. I'm going with Alec and nobody else.”

“This is _my_ thing, Magnus.”

“Look, we don't even know if he's the right person. Falling in with a whole bunch of people would only increase the chances of him disappearing if he is. Plus, _you are not invincible_ , Raph.”, Magnus had said sternly. “Simon, tell him that _he could die_.”

Raphael had let out a hollow laugh as he’d nodded into Simon’s direction. “ _Simon_ certainly isn't the person to talk about staying out of things.”

“Uh,” Simon had started, looking at them with an uneasy expression, “I mean, I'm really not the one-- Actually, I think Raphael should go.”

Both heads had turned towards him at last. “What?”

“Yeah, I mean it's not like Raphael just runs into things, right? And, uh, he's skilled. He's probably on the same level as a Shadowhunter without their runes, right?”, he’d asked, looking at Raphael.

The other had granted him a smile. “ _That's_ what I've been saying the _whole_ time. I can look out for myself, Magnus.”

Magnus had sighed. “I _know_ . But you _are_ a mundane at the moment.”

“Not for long.”, Raphael had said. He'd been determined. “I _will_ be there.”

Magnus had sighed at last and sunk back on the couch, running a hand over his face. “Fine.”

Simon has watched as Magnus pulled out his phone and started typing away rapidly. He shot a confused look at Raphael.

“He’s texting Alec, I suppose.”, Raphael sighed. He sounded like he must’ve caught the burning tension between them, too.

“I’m checking out the _location_!”, Magnus insisted, shooting them an angry look. “And, yes, I may be telling Alec that we could use some backup.”

For some reason, Simon has insisted on going, too. He’s meant to bring a full speech of how it’d be good for him to be there, because they don’t know if the warlock has any friends there who’d attack, so having one more person with strength and reflexes would be good.

What happened, however, is the following: “I mean, wouldn’t it be fair to have one of every kind?”, Simon’s said with a small shrug.

All three men have turned their heads at him, a mixture of confusion and utter disbelief written on their faces.

“Do you want us to call Luke, too, while we’re at it?”, Alec has asked. For a millisecond or so Simon has thought that he’s serious - having Luke there could probably actually be a good idea - but then he’s realized the amount of sarcasm in the Shadowhunter’s voice.

Magnus and Raphael, on the other hand, have picked up one of their silent conversations. They’d had quite a few of them since Raphael has had to move in with Magnus and Simon knows that the only communication they truly act out on is maybe a raise of an eyebrow or so.

Whatever that conversation has entailed has given him the opportunity to accompany the group. Initially Simon had thought that they’d tell him to stay behind - he would’ve understood considering what happened the last time he’d barged into a fight that wasn’t his - but he’s actually glad that he is allowed to go.

Because if there’s one thing he really needs to do, it’s to help Raphael get back to normal. He doesn’t just want to do it because it’s been his fault that he was turned into a mundane, but by now it’s simply to help his friend.

 

-

 

The warlock’s location turns out to be a small house just outside of Trenton. Raphael has never minded travelling much, especially not when it's done by one of Magnus’ portals - when he's first gone through one, it's been quite a weird feeling to step into something that looks like a waterfall while being practically _nothing_ , but years later it's just like stepping through a door to him.

Of course, they couldn't have portalled into the house. Not only would it have been rude to do so, but travelling to places you don't know at all is something that only Faerie people can do. Warlocks, however, are limited to either places they've been to or those they've gotten familiar with. Raphael supposes that, as the son of a Prince of Hell, Magnus could probably do more than other warlocks, but his friend seems to forget about his own heritage quite often. He can't actually blame him.

Magnus has studied the place his contact has told him on Google Maps and in the archive of the city to be able to produce a portal that is strong enough.

When they've stepped through it, they're greeted by an immense scent of grass and flowers rather than the usual smoke of the city. They're in the middle of a fir forest, looking at a small cottage in the middle of a moonlit glade. Raphael finds himself wondering how overwhelming the smell must be for someone with enhanced senses and shoots a look at Simon.

The vampire's eyes are wide open as he takes in the new environment. Raphael guesses that he's also still struggling with the effects of their method of travelling because he softly presses one hand against his stomach. If the situation weren't so serious, Raphael would let out a chuckle at his fledgling's slight discomfort.

For now, he reaches over and squeezes Simon’s arm to gain his attention. When he looks up, he raises an eyebrow in question.

Simon looks at him and presses his lips together. Then he nods firmly to say that he's alright.

Raphael makes a mental note to train this very situation with him once everything is back to normal. If ‘normal’ means him being a vampire again or Valentine being eliminated as a threat is left open for now, seeing as there's a more important matter at hand in this very moment.

When he turns his head to Magnus and Alec, he sees that both of them are ready for a fight. Alec has his bow and an arrow in his hands and Magnus is even wearing his cat eyes. It makes Raphael realise for the first time that he's utterly unprepared for what's to come. In a weak attempt to fix it he bends down to pick up a branch from the ground, but a sudden realisation makes him stop.

“Someone's been here.”, he says quietly.

The ground is _full_ of branches, small ones and thick ones that appear to have been _run_ down. The cracks look like they've occurred more sudden than usual. _People_ have made their way through this forest in a violent manner.

In response, Alec kneels down to get a look at it as well and looks up at Raphael with a firm expression. “Someone’s been here.”, he repeats as he gets up, addressing Magnus.

The warlock raises a hand into the direction of the cottage, whispering a few words in a language that Raphael is not familiar with. For a split second, his eyes are a shade lighter than they already are, the magic spreading out.

“There’s nobody there.”, he announces. Despite the content of his words, he keeps his voice low.

“So what?”, Simon asks, his voice a bit higher than usually. “We go inside and wait for them to come back?”

“I vote we go and look if we can find anything about the spell.”, Raphael voices.

If nobody is there, it makes the chances easier for them to find something. Of course, it’s not granted that the ominous warlock even has notes or something the like on the spell, but this is still a chance. If he were here, they’d probably have to fight against him to make him spill his secrets.

“Good plan.”, Alec says.

And as if he was just waiting for the approval of a Shadowhunter, Magnus steps forward at that, hands turned upside down at his sides and a soft purple light running around them.


	12. Chapter 12

“You know, I’ve been wondering the whole time why we called the warlock a _he_.”, Simon voices. He’s learned long ago that rambling helps him cope with bad situations. “But I thought that maybe, I don’t know, only male warlocks can work magic on live beings? Or something?”

His eyes are fixed on the figure in front of them. A young woman, her skin showing a soft pink teint, lies on the bed, hands folded on her lap. If it wasn’t for her eyes being wide open and her heartbeat non-existent, you could’ve thought she were asleep.

The way his friends had stopped dead on their tracks when they’d entered the cottage had sent shivers down his spine – they’ve realized that she’s dead without even noticing the small things: none of them can tell that her heart is still and nobody can see how each of her veins stands out, dark against the pale skin.

With a  snap of his fingers, Magnus lights some of the candles that are spread across the room. To Simon, the sight is only getting worse with every moment.

Out of the corner of his eye he can see that both Alec and Raphael are softly walking through the room, each of them peering into the rooms next door. Simon knows that he should probably do something, too, but he can’t make himself look away from the body.

“She’s dead.”, he breathes as Magnus wraps his magic around the body like he’s done with Raphael at the very start of this whole mess.

“They’ve drained her off all magic.”, Magnus nods. “Without it, a warlock is stripped of their immortality. And if they’ve lived for longer than a human life…”

Simon gulps as Magnus steps forward. He watches him close the woman’s eyes and whispers, “ _Selamat jalan_ , Joey Matrina.”

It takes a moment longer until Raphael comes back into the room. “All clear.”, he breathes. “Is she the one?”

“I’m afraid so.”, Magnus replies.

Simon feels confused about Raphael’s reaction. Of course, they haven’t expected to find the warlock dead, but he’d thought Raphael would be angry nonetheless because someone robbed him off his opportunity to kill her himself, like he’s been saying the whole time. Now, however, he looks sad and with the glances he shoots in Magnus’ direction, Simon guesses that it’s not at his own dismay.

When Alec comes back, announcing that he hasn’t found anyone, he wears the same expression as Raphael. Simon doesn’t know much about the whole Downworlder business, but he guesses that one warlock finding another one dead is a very severe situation.

Magnus, though, wears a neutral expression and tears his eyes away from the woman – Joey – at last. “We should look for any hints on the spell.”, he announces.

Without saying anything more, all of them move – that is, all of them except for Simon. His eyes are still fixed on Joey’s body. He wonders – having your life sucked out of you must hurt, right? How can she look so peaceful then? Why has she been killed? And who did it?

At the sound of his name, Simon snaps some focus back into his eyes and realizes that Magnus has pulled her back into a coat of magic.

The warlock looks at him with a sad look. “Will you come with me?”, he asks and raises a hand, lifting the body from the bed.

Simon doesn’t know what he means, but he nods nonetheless.  
  
\-   
  
“It’s his first body, I believe.”, Raphael tells Alec when he notices the raised eyebrow that the Shadowhunter sends after the parade that just left.

He’s never experienced the way that warlocks say farewell to one of theirs himself, thankfully, but he guesses that Magnus is performing this very ceremony right now, whatever it entails.

“A vampire who’s shocked by death. Ironic, isn’t it?”, Alec says and turns to look around the room.

“It really isn’t.”, Raphael mutters.

One would think that vampires, being dead themselves, would have no problems with being faced with a dead body, but actually it’s quite the opposite – especially for members of a clan. Those never have to kill someone, usually, because they have other ways to get their blood. If everything goes alright, a clan member never has to be faced with death.

That being said, he can’t help but feel a wave of pride go through his mind when he realizes that Simon hasn’t lost control. Admittedly, there’s no blood at this scene, but as a young vampire, even the mere sight of a dead body can awaken the hunger.

He sighs and turns to look at the bookshelf while Alec goes through the things on the messy desk.

Truth be told, at the sight of the dead warlock, Raphael’s hope for a solution has shrunk immensely. From what they know, this warlock was the only person to ever have figured out how to turn a vampire back. If she hasn’t kept a diary on her progress while creating the spell, there’s nothing left to help them turn him into a vampire in a convenient way.

He wishes that Magnus hadn’t taken Simon with him because if the fledgling were here, he’d probably know a way to make him feel hopeful again. Simon probably hasn’t given up.

Raphael knows that it’s egoistic to think like that. With the shock that Simon has apparently been in and the general distraught that Magnus must have been feeling, it’s only fair that the two of them take a few moments to deal with it. He knows that, in his life, Magnus has had to say goodbye to quite a share of warlocks, and yet it’s always an emotional situation.

He knows form his own experience what it’s like to lose a clan member – and from what he knows, with warlocks being quite rare in contrast to other Downworlder races, they mourn all of them intensively.

Somehow, he finds himself appreciating that Alec is so focussed on the mission. The Shadowhunter keeps quiet as he digs through the amount of papers in front of him. Raphael is thankful that he doesn’t try to give him a pep talk, because it would only get awkward. They’ve never had a conversation of their own so there’s no way they could even guess what the other is thinking.

He’s just digging through the fifth book, trying to find something that’s unusual about them when Magnus and Simon come back into the cottage. While neither of them wears a smile or the like, they do seem better now.

Even Simon looks like he has more colour on his cheeks than before.

And when his fledgling comes up to him without saying a word, facing the bookshelf as well, Raphael finds himself smiling softly, as if his mere presence were helpful.  
  
\-   
  
Finding what they’ve been searching for has been easier than Simon had thought. Sure, it’s been pretty time-consuming because Magnus could only use his spell on three or four books at the same time, but his localisation of anything within the bindings that’s not originally in there was prosperous eventually.

If he weren’t so happy that they even found anything at all, Simon would probably be disappointed that _Magnus_ was the one who found something. He’d figured if anyone deserved it, it would’ve been Raphael. Maybe even he himself – simply because he’d been the reason why Raphael had been hit in first place. As a way of making things right again.

“That’s it?”, Alec asks, frowning at the few loose pages that Magnus has pulled out of a very worn-looking book.

“It seems so.”, Magnus says. “I’m not sure because I don’t understand everything, but this piece definitely includes the word ‘vampire’.”

Next to him, Simon can hear Raphael let out a heavy sigh of relief. He can feel himself smiling, too. This is what they’ve been looking for for the past weeks. This is what can make Raphael _Raphael_ again.

“We should continue looking,” Alec offers. “Just to be sure we didn’t miss half of it.”

“Good call.”, Raphael nods. “Simon, you should leave.”

“What? No!”, he protests. Why would Raphael want him to leave now? There’s no way that he would go just when they’re about to solve the problem.

“The sun is rising soon.”, Raphael says and grabs his arm. He pulls him over to bring some more space between them and Magnus and Alec. “If we finish looking anytime soon, we’ll have to stay in the home of a murdered warlock the whole day because you can’t leave.”

“Can’t Magnus summon--?”

Raphael shakes his head. “You may not know this, but Magnus has had other warlocks place protection spells around his building that even he can’t break. That way it’d be safe even if he were injured or worse. He can make portals that lead out of it, but none that let you in.”

“You’re kidding.”, Simon says. He could swear that, when Raphael had been attacked, they’ve been directly portaled into Magnus’ living room - but he guesses maybe his memory is playing tricks on him, considering what a tense situation that had been.

“No.”, Raphael shakes his head again. “Even if we find anything else now, Magnus will need some time to figure things out. You won’t miss anything, _bebé_.”

“And you’re not just saying that because you don’t want me around?”, Simon asks. He’d understand if Raphael didn’t want him around, in fear that he’d mess things up again.

To his surprise, Raphael looks up at him with an expression that is somewhere between sad and determined. “There’s nobody who I’d rather have as a lucky charm for this.”

“What?”, Simon asks. It’s weird that Raphael would say he’d like _him_ around.

In reply, Raphael rolls his eyes. “You need to leave. Now. We’ll talk later, Simon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> According to my researches, " _selamat jalan_ " means 'goodbye' or even 'have a good journey' in Indonesian.


	13. Chapter 13

“Simon,” Lily welcomes him as he steps into her room once she’s said it’s okay to come in. 

“Uh yeah. Hi.”, Simon says, “I, um, I need to talk to you.”

It’s weird for him to actually talk to her. After all, the past few days she’s spent with either literally trying to break a bone of his or at least mentally stabbing him in the heart. She’s still been pissed that he’d lied to her. Simon guesse that maybe vampires can hold grudges forever.

Lily's eyes widen at his words. “Is Raphael okay?”

“Oh, what? Yes, he is!”, Simon assures her quickly. “In fact, there's, uh…, been a development in his  _ healing _ process. I'll tell you more when we're alone.”, he adds, shooting a glance around. The vampires in the room are each pretending to be occupied with something, but every now and then he can see them look at him from the corner of their eye. He doesn't think that Raphael would want any of them to know about what's going on, even if it'll be over soon. 

“Yes, of course.”, Lily agrees and turns to rush to her room. She's talking already again before Simon even entered the room. “Did you find the warlock?”

“Yes, we did.”, Simon nods, looking at the door that closed behind him without anyone touching it. “But she was dead.”

Lily’s face falls at that, eyes wide in shock. “She… What? What about Raphael?”

“We've managed to find some notes of hers that look promising. Magnus is going to try to make sense out of them.”, Simon assures her. “He  _ will _ be able to reverse the spell.”

Lily nods at that, mirroring his own (partly faked) determination. At this point it's important that they try to stay as positive as possible. 

“I expect you to keep me updated.”, Lily says matter-of-factly. “I want to be there when he gets turned back.”

“I'm sure he'd appreciate that,” Simon says slowly. “But didn't he put you in charge so someone is around at all times while he is absent?”

He's glad to hear that she cares so much about their clan leader that she'd want to be by his side, but he doesn't think that Raphael would be happy to know his clan is without any protection. 

“How long can it take?”, Lily replies sharply. “It's not like I'll be gone for a week.”

“Who knows?”, he offers. “We don't know what the spell will entail yet.”

Lily juts her chin forward. “You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd assume  _ you _ don't want me there. But I'm positive you'll tell me once you know specifics, won't you? I'd have Raphael text me, but he still doesn't reply.”

“His phone’s broken.”, Simon tells her, faintly remembering how Magnus has told him that he's thrown it against a wall and wouldn't let him fix it with magic. His mind, however, is more focused on the accusation that Lily has just uttered - Simon  _ doesn't _ want to keep her out of this. For one, he really does think she needs to be here, with the clan, and second, yes, maybe he does think that  _ he _ has a right to be there, but then again, that's Raphael’s wish, too, isn't it? 

Lily huffs at that, crossing her arms. She mumbles something under her breath that sounds like “of course”. 

“I'd like to get some rest, if I'm allowed.”, Simon says, letting his voice sound a bit mocking. He feels like any more arguing, and he'll be  _ pissed _ . 

And either Lily senses that or she actually doesn't want to start a real fight, because she says, “Sure. Sleep well, Simon.”

 

-

 

Raphael knows that it's important to let Magnus work on the spell on his own. But still, now that they are so close to solving his problem, he finds himself more restless than before. He keeps asking questions and running from one place to another, going through books again or bringing Magnus some coffee just so that he has something to do. 

That's why both he and Magnus are glad when Simon steps through the door. 

“Sherman,  _ please _ ,” Magnus says in a matter of greeting, “make him  _ leave _ .” 

Raphael huffs at the words and crosses his arms, but actually, he can't be mad. He knows that he's annoying, but he can't help it. 

Simon looks surprised and looks from one man to the other. “Uh… sure? How's the spell coming along?”

When Magnus just lets out a long groan in response, throwing back his head, Raphael grabs Simon’s wrist and pulls him out of the flat again. If they stayed any longer, Magnus would've probably hexed one of them. 

“Okay, that was weird.”, Simon voices when they're on the street. “What's up with him?”

“He's frustrated.”, Raphael simply says. “I want a milkshake.”, he adds then, thinking of something they could do to distract him. He's grown to like them and decided to drink one more before the only thing close to it that he'll ever consume is a cheap version at Taki’s. 

Simon just stares at him but tags along when Raphael pulls him after himself, still holding onto his wrist. “Did you find anything else?”

Raphael shakes his head. “Magnus used his location spell on the rest of the books and Alec and I searched in the other rooms. There was nothing else that looked suspicious.”, he tells him, unable to hide the disappointed tone in his voice. 

“Oh, then I'm sure it's all there is.”, Simon says quickly, a cheerful smile on his lips. 

Raphael wonders how one person can be this optimistic. Has he ever been like this? 

Simon tells him that Lily wants to know if anything happens - Raphael would have let her known anyways, but it's nice to hear that she demanded so. He learns that she also planned to be there when he gets turned back. 

“I don't know if this is the point to ask, but…”, Simon starts, looking down at where their hands have joined some time during their walk. Raphael doesn't feel like pulling away and apparently, Simon doesn't want to do it, either. “You pretty much said that you  _ want _ me to be there.”

“I did say that.”, Raphael agrees. For some reason, his stomach drops as he utters those words. “With your positive energy, no spell can go wrong, can it?”

For a split second, it seems that Simon’s face falls. Then he asks, “Is magic influenced by the feelings people who are present have?”

Raphael chuckles. “No,” he shakes his head, “It depends on how strong the warlock is - or the person whose power he borrows.”

“Do you think I could lend Magnus some of mine?”

“Simon, no offense, but you're not strong at all.”, Raphael tells him. “Speaking of, I've been thinking…”

Simon raises an eyebrow in question, indicating for him to carry on. 

“If those notes really are the whole spell,” Raphael says and stops walking. Simon stops as well and turns to him. “Magnus could probably use it on you. You could become a human again.”

Simon's eyes go wide at that. Apparently, he hadn't even thought about that. 

Raphael watches him closely as he seems to consider it. Simon’s face goes from surprised to neutral and then, somehow, sad. 

“I'm not sure if I want to.”, his fledgling slowly says. 

Now it's Raphael’s turn to be surprised. “What? Why?”

“You know, the smooth thing to say would be ‘Because you'll be a vampire again’ but-- look, you're rolling your eyes!”, Simon laughs, “I guess I just got used to it by now.”

“Did you now?”

Simon nods. “And, I mean, it's not like the spell will disappear all of sudden, will it? Or is Magnus going to burn the paper or something?”

“If you ask me, he should.”, Raphael shrugs softly. “That's too much power for a person. Plus, so many people will be after the spell, Magnus would never be safe.”

“I didn't think about that.”, Simon admits. “Anyway, we were on a mission here.”, he says then and pulls him forward again. 

 

-

 

Simon tries really hard not to think about the fact that he and Raphael have walked to the diner hand in hand. Or that he  _ flirted _ with Raphael and didn't get a reaction. Or that Raphael didn't react in any way when his milkshake was, once again, delivered with two straws except of one. 

“I'm glad that nothing happened at the hotel during my absence.”, Raphael says when they're outside again, away from all the people who could be listening in. 

On a Tuesday night, the streets are fairly empty. Of course, with this being New York, they're never  _ really _ empty, but it's quite a silent night. 

It's still weird to him to see Raphael consume any normal food, which is quite dumb since Simon’s watched him eat for the past weeks. It may be caused by the fact that Raphael still is careful while eating or drinking anything, just because he is not used to it. He wonders how much his mentor must be looking forward to drinking blood again. 

“Yeah, me too. I mean, not that Lily couldn't have handled it but… yeah.”, Simon tells him. “It would have raised attention if she were to lead the clan during a fight, wouldn't it?”

“Probably.”, Raphael nods. “I know you probably can't imagine it differently, but there are times when you don't have to expect a war every day. Even the Shadow World knows peace.”

“My dad died when I was a child.”, Simon hears himself say. “Not that it’s like a war, but you know, I felt like the whole world was a bad place. I couldn't believe there's people who don't have to ever deal with something like that. We should cherish every moment of peace and luck that we get.”

“I didn't know that.”, Raphael says. “I'm sorry.”

Simon just nods in appreciation. There was a time when he'd tell people that it's been long ago and it doesn't even hurt anymore, but it's been his _ father _ . It will always hurt. And yet, he doesn't know how to react. He guesses you never really know. 

“Magnus should better hurry up with the spell.”, Simon says to pick up the conversation again. “I know of a fledgling who could use some more training.”

Raphael lets out a barking laugh at that. It's one of the rarest sounds that Simon gets to hear. It's beautiful. 

They sit down on a bench somewhere and talk some more. About nothing in particular - Simon tells him more about what's been happening in the hotel (not that he'd even know everything because he's barely ever there) and in exchange Raphael shares stories of his own early phase of being a vampire. It feels strangely intimate to be sharing this, even more so than their hand-holding earlier. It makes Simon feel like they're connected on another level now. 

They talk until Simon’s alarm goes off, announcing that the sun will rise soon. Only when he's turned it off does he realise that Raphael has dark circles under his eyes. 

“Have  _ you _ even slept at all?”, he asks. When Raphael hesitates, he adds, “Unbelievable. You keep having double-standards!”

“I wouldn't have been able to sleep.”, Raphael says. “Besides, we haven't been back for long before you arrived.”

Simon sighs. “Promise me you'll get some rest once you're back at Magnus’?”

Raphael rolls his eyes again. “Of course.”

“Raphael.”

“I will try,” Raphael says, “If I'm not too distracted.”

“You need someone to chain you to your bed.”, Simon tells him. 

Raphael raises an eyebrow. “Are you offering?”

Simon stops for a moment before bursting into laughter. “If I said ‘kinky’, which organ would I lose?”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, sweethearts! Thank y'all for the kind words you left on this story, they mean a lot.  
> This chapter could've been up way earlier but this week was ruled by a depressed episode and a lot of business from uni and family, but here it comes before I leave for my local Comic Con for the whole weekend.  
> I hope you enjoy!

Simon sits up in his bed as soon as he hears the first note of his ring tone. He actually does it so fast (thanks, vampirism) that he almost makes a salto out of his bed.

“Simon,” Raphael’s voice says when he’s picked up. Simon can’t really tell what he sounds like - tired, that much is clear. But also… excited? “He did it. Magnus did it!”

“Wait, hang on.”, Simon says, rubbing over his eye. “I only just woke up, so maybe my brain is not ready yet, but… this sounded like you said  _ Magnus did it. _ ”

“He did!”

It’s weird to hear Raphael cheer, Simon decides. Not unpleasant, but weird. He hopes he gets to hear that more often. 

Of course, he can't blame him. Magnus has tried to figure out an appropriate spell for three days by now, only resting a few hours a day. Raphael has grown more impatient again after they've been to Joey’s home, but Simon has noticed how he's slowly spiralled down into losing hope again. 

“I--! Wow! I’m gonna come over right now.”, Simon replies, feeling the excitement sweep through his body, too. “How difficult is it? What do you have to do? Do you have to drink a bottle of blood in the full moon?”

“Simon, shut up.”, Raphael says, but he’s chuckling. “You shouldn’t come over right  _ now _ but yes,  _ please _ , do come here.”

“Uh, okay?”, Simon says, confused by both the fact that, again, Raphael has asked him to be there but also that he doesn’t want him there right away.

“It’s close to 3pm, Simon.”, Raphael says softly, as if knowing what he is thinking. “You should get some more sleep.”

“As if I could sleep  _ now _ .”, Simon mumbles. “I mean, I do appreciate you calling me immediately, but… you know?”

“Well, I could always sing to you.”, Raphael proposes.

“Are you-- you’re not serious.”, Simon stumbles. 

Before he can say anymore, Raphael’s voice comes back to his ear as it quietly sings a song in Spanish. Simon recognizes it - his dad used to sing it to him and his sister when they were younger. It’s both familiar and new because Simon doesn’t know Raphael’s voice and at the same time, it’s comforting and soothing.

He actually does fall asleep as Raphael continues singing.

 

-

 

Raphael doesn’t like being woken up. Usually it means that something is seriously wrong because none of his clan members would dare to wake him up otherwise. Naturally, Simon isn’t like the other clan members. He’s loud, clumsy, young and adorably helpless at times.

Of course, there are worse ways to be woken up than to have someone softly take the phone you’d pressed against your ear out of your hand, but it’s still something entirely different than waking up by yourself.

“No, no, no, no, keep sleeping,” Simon shushes, which, of course, has the opposite effect.

“Simon?”, Raphael mumbles as he sits up. He’s sitting on the couch in Magnus living room - he must’ve fallen asleep during his phone call with Simon. Or rather, as he’d made sure that his fledgling got enough sleep. That had obviously been his reason for singing a lullaby to him.

“Ugh, yeah,” Simon grimaces. “Sorry.” He’s still leaning down towards him and Raphael can note his  _ unnecessary _ breathing. “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“Yeah, I figured.”, Raphael replies and rubs his eye. “What time is it?”

“Around 2.”, Simon says. “Magnus asleep?”

“I guess.”, Raphael says and scoots over so that Simon could sit down, too.

“And he really figured it out? What does it entail? Will it hurt? How long will it take?”, Simon wants to know.

Raphael could’ve been annoyed by how many question a person could ask in a row but actually, he finds himself smiling at the other. It almost seems like Simon is more excited about this than he is. He tries to explain it in as much detail as possible - of course, he doesn’t understand all of the process either since he’s no warlock, but of course he’s managed to grasp the general, the visible things. 

“You could  _ die _ ?”, Simon repeats when he’s finished. “I mean, obviously you  _ will _ die but, I mean, like, for real? Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“It has to be.”, Raphael says. “I  _ can’t _ live like this.”

Simon looks at him for a long moment, his expression switching from emotion to emotion just so slightly - but Raphael sees them all. He’s scared, he’s sad, he’s determined, he’s… happy. It’s a perfect mirror of what Raphael feels. “I know.”, he sighs at last.

They try to distract themselves afterwards since it won’t do any good to discuss it to no end when Magnus isn’t even awake yet. Raphael feels nervous about what will happen (this time he knows at least that he _will_ die in one way or another) but somehow talking to Simon about  _ nothing _ helps.  _ Dios _ , he eagerly listens to Simon talk about  _ comics _ . 

He doesn’t know how much time has passed until Magnus comes into the room, looking worn and tired without his make-up.

“Sebastian, why am I not surprised to see you here.”, he sighs as he sits down. “I take Raphael has informed you?”

“Yes,” Simon nods. “When will you do it?”, he asks looking from one to another.

Magnus raises an eyebrow at Raphael. “As soon as Raphael wants.”

 

-

 

Simon feels uneasy as he sits there with Raphael and Magnus. Of course he does. He’d thought that once Magnus had figured out what to do, all of them would be excited and glad, but now as they realize what it  _ means _ , that feeling is gone.

Of course, apparently in the Shadow World, nothing ever comes without an immediate death threat. 

Sure, logically it’s been clear that Raphael must  _ die _ in order to become a vampire again, but Simon had figured it would automatically mean he’d come back as his old self. Of course, that’s been pretty naive. There’s a fair chance that he could die  _ for real _ .

“I want to get over with this tonight.”, Raphael says into the silence between them slowly. His voice sounds thick, as if he isn’t sure if he can use it.

“Of course you do.”, Magnus sighs.

“I’d like to talk to Simon first, though.”, Raphael adds. To Simon’s surprise, his eyes are fixed on Magnus rather than him. He doesn’t know why Raphael would want to talk to him, but it fills him with a weird feeling.

“Yeah, sure.”, Magnus says and gets up from his seat. “I need a coffee anyways.”

Simon watches him go before he turns his attention back to his clan leader, feeling slightly nervous about what’s to come. Sure, he and Raphael have talked just a few minutes ago, but that has been before Raphael had announced that  _ he’d like to die this very night, thank you _ . Is he supposed to deal with Raphael’s belongings if anything goes wrong?

Raphael’s eyes are really pretty, Simon notes as he stares into them. They’re brighter than his own and yet they look so cold that Simon gulps.

“I… I wanted to thank you.”, Raphael says carefully. “Weirdly enough, this whole affair would’ve gone entirely wrong if it hadn’t been for you. You’re so optimistic - even  _ I _ would have lost my stubbornness if you hadn’t given me pep talks every day.”

Simon stares at him with big eyes. Sure, this experience had shown him sides of Raphael that he hadn’t known, but this must be the most sentimental speech he’s ever heard from him. It’s even got more feelings than their conversations when Raphael’s had his breakdown. It’s weird, but it’s also strangely nice. 

“And thanks to you, I’ll probably become a frequent guest at Taki’s.”, Raphael closes and rolls his eyes, probably trying to distract him from what he’s said before. Of course, it doesn’t work.

“Well, what kind of a shit person would I have been if I’d let you suffer by yourself?”, Simon answers, wearing a smile. Raphael’s clearly not entirely comfortable with admitting  _ feelings _ , so he doesn’t want to make it any worse - especially considering what’s to come. 

But Raphael actually smiles back.

 

-

 

“When you're back, we'll watch a movie.”, Simon tells him all of sudden. “I can't believe you have been a mundane for two weeks and we didn't go to the cinema!”

Raphael can't help but keep smiling. He hasn't liked being a mundane per se, but having Simon by his side really has made things a lot easier. He reckons that maybe, you can somehow keep a bit of your humanity even if you are a vampire. Like Simon. 

“It's a date.”, he decides and chuckles at the sound that Simon makes at that. 

“A  _ date _ ? Or like, ‘alright, cool, we're set!’ date?”, Simon asks, his eyes wide in surprise and panic. “Because, you know, both would be cool. Like, I don't mean-- you know, it's--”

“ _ Simon _ ,” Raphael says softly, “thank you.”

In the next moment, Simon wraps his arms around him, squeezing him tightly. 

Raphael usually isn't a fan of hugs. Even in his first life there’ve only been a few selected people who were allowed to hug him, namely his mother and youngest brother. It's not like he doesn't like touching at all, but a hand touching your back and a  _ whole body _ pressed against yours is a difference. 

With Simon, though, it's an entirely different thing. He's spent an entire day lying next to the other without minding and right now, he feels nothing but a soft flutter in his stomach as their cheeks touch. 

“I still need to breathe, though,” Raphael points out after what seems like an eternity. He doesn't want to break off the embrace, but Simon really cuts him off of breathing. 

“Oh, yeah, sorry.”, Simon says quickly, keeping his hands on Raphael’s upper arms but bringing some space between them. “So, that's it, huh?”

Raphael nods. There's not much more to say so he motions to turn away but Simon keeps him in place. Rolling his eyes, Raphael starts, “Simon, I'd really like to--”

He's cut off by Simon leaning down to press a kiss against his cheek, leaving him frozen. 

As he pulls away again, Simon softly says, “Good luck.” 

Before Raphael can even  _ think _ of replying anything, Magnus calls for his attention. And from what he knows about his friend, the warlock’s probably seen the whole scene. 

“Are you ready?”, Magnus asks, shooting a glance into the direction of the guest room. 

They'd agreed on letting the spell do its work in there, simply because having someone lie around in your living room at all times would be a bother. Especially since they don't know how long it'll take. The spell may be occupying a part of Magnus’ magic for its duration but not too much, so he'll be able to continue working while turning Raphael and for that he needs his apartment. 

Raphael nods and lies down on the bed, arms at his sides. 

Magnus looks down at him with a sly smile. “See you soon, old friend.”, he says quietly before holding out his hands above Raphael's body. 

Nervousness grants you enhanced senses, as well. Raphael knows that, of course, but still he can't help but be surprised at how hyper-aware he is of his surroundings. He can hear Magnus’ talking clearly even though he's saying nothing more than a whisper, he can feel Simon’s eyes on him and he can even hear a clock’s ticking. 

He's just about to say that there's no way this spell would work because he's not gonna  _ rest _ like this when suddenly all goes dark. 


	15. Chapter 15

“Simon, you should sleep.”, Magnus says softly as he walks into the room. It's early morning by now, the second one that Raphael’s spent in his trance. 

Simon’s been by his side ever since Magnus has put the spell on him, not wanting to miss anything that may happen - let it be Raphael waking up or… something  different. 

When Raphael’s breathing has stopped last evening, Simon was basically freaking out until Magnus reminded him that he is  _ in fact _ dying. Kind of, at least. To sit next to someone whose body is slowly shutting down most functions is  _ frightening _ . 

He shakes his head quickly, even if he feels like he's about to fall asleep right there. He should probably do  _ that _ because then he'd be in the same room at least. 

“I'll wake you if anything happens,” Magnus promises. “Get some blood and then take a nap.”

Simon keeps his eyes on Raphael for a little while longer, watching how he floats about the bed. Magnus has said that as long as his body doesn't touch the mattress, nothing big has happened - once it does, though, he's either dead for good or back at his old state. 

Simon’s promised Raphael that he'd be there when he wakes up -  _ if _ he wakes up. If he weren't there, he imagines his mentor would be majorly pissed. Somehow, the thought makes him break into a smile. 

But he figures that with all the nagging that  _ he's _ been doing for the past weeks and Raphael’s own prior to that, the other would be even more angry if he were to find out that Simon hasn't consumed any blood. That makes him let out a small sigh. 

“You have any blood here?”

For a second he can see a faint hint of surprise on the warlock’s face before he starts smiling. “Ever since you lot came here.”

Simon rolls his eyes playfully but does get up eventually, shooting another look at Raphael. It's weird actually, that he looks so relaxed when he's slowly dying. “You tell me if anything happens?”

“Of course.”

As he gets a bottle of blood from Magnus’ fridge, he checks his phone for messages for the first time in days. 

“Alec said Magnus figured out how to help Raphael?”, Clary has written on the morning before Raphael was put in trance. Simon hasn't actually checked his phone before leaving the hotel that night, and didn't get to do it either when he's arrived here because his mind was occupied otherwise. 

“Simon?”, another text that arrived only a couple of hours ago, “Are you alright?”

There's also one from Lily that demands to know if the spell did anything yet. He replies quickly that no, nothing happened yet, before summarising for Clary what's happened. 

To his surprise, his friend calls him back. 

“Clary? Why are you calling?”, he asks as he accepts the call. 

Of course, he and Clary have been texting back and forth ever since Simon was turned - they certainly haven’t had the opportunity to really hang out since now, Simon sleeps when Clary is awake and Clary is occupied with the search for her mother all the time, but they try to make the best out of it. He’s pretty much live texted her everything he’s found out about Raphael’s condition and even about his clan leader  _ himself _ . She’d find those messages in the morning, when she wakes up and Simon goes to sleep.

“You answered my text in the  _ middle of the day _ .”, Clary answers, sounding concerned. “Why are you awake?”

“I was watching Raphael.”, Simon tells her and shrugs.

“Anything new?”, she wants to know. There’s some concern in her voice but Simon knows that it’s for him rather than Raphael. 

“Still unconscious as ever.”, Simon answers. “He’s still alive, though.”

“Shit.”, Clary makes. A moment later, she adds, “Not that I want him  _ dead _ dead. But, you know…”

“Yeah, I know.”, Simon can’t help but chuckle. “Thank you for calling.”

“Of course. But I gotta say, you sound drained.”, she tells him. “You should sleep.”

“Funny enough, you’re not the first one to tell me.”

“Well, then you really should. I get that you… have grown to like Raphael but you shouldn’t forget about yourself, Si.”

Simon feels like both groaning and reaching through the phone to hug her. Sure, it could be annoying to have someone fuss over you all the time, but with Clary it’s just natural and comfortable. While his mother and sister (and, he guesses at this point he also has to include Raphael) think he  _ can’t _ take care of himself, she knows that he could, technically, if he weren’t too easily distracted.

“Get some rest.”, Clary orders. “He will wake up.”

Simon feels himself hesitate. But then he takes a deep breath and nods. “I know.”

 

-

 

The first thing Raphael notices is his throat burning, accompanied with an ache in his stomach.  _ Hunger _ . It's fitting that what he notices next is the smell of blood, some of it a bit older, some certainly fresh. He reaches forward towards the source of it without cracking open an eye - that is until he realises that it’s filled into glasses. 

He sees multiple wine glasses standing next to him, each of them filled with the red liquid as if it were wine, and longs for one after another, drowning it as if he hasn't had any blood in  _ centuries _ . 

As he clunks the last glass back on the surface of the nightstand, a person in the room jolts awake. Raphael realises that now that the urgent smell of the blood is gone, he can smell Magnus. 

“ _ Oh _ ,” the warlock makes. “Simon will be so  _ pissed _ that you woke up  _ now _ .”

Immediately, Raphael is hit by a wave of worry. The mere name of his fledgling has that effect on him which only shows just how much the young vampire has screwed up in the time they've known one another. “Simon?”, he repeats, his voice a little rough. 

“Oh,” Magnus makes again, his eyes widen. “I didn't think if the spell-- Do you know where you are? Do you who  _ I _ am? Who the head of the Clave is?”

“Why should I care about the  _ Clave _ ?”, Raphael growls. “Magnus, what's with Simon?”

At that, Magnus visibly relaxes. “Oh thank God, you're still you. Do you remember what happened?”

“Simon wanted to help the Shadowhunters in a fight, I went with him so that he wouldn't die and then I was hit by something. I guess that I've been unconscious the whole time?”, Raphael says. He does have memories of more, but he can't imagine that those could be real. The spell or whatever has hit him must've provided weird nightmares. 

“You… haven't.”, Magnus says slowly. “You don't remember?”

“You're telling me that those were no dreams.”, Raphael states, turning on the bed so he's really faced with Magnus. “I- A spell that turns vampires into mundanes.”

Magnus nods slowly. “So you do remember. But be assured, you're back at being a vampire, in case that blood or go you just had wasn't proof enough.”

“So, you actually have a crush on a Shadowhunter?”, Raphael says, a teasing undertone in his voice. At the same time, there's a faint hint of something else, too, and if Raphael was more sure of himself right now, he'd say a minor part of him feels betrayed for all the speeches that Magnus has delivered on how Shadowhunters are  _ the worst _ . 

Either Magnus catches it or he's surprised that Raphael knows, because his face slips for a second before he shrugs. “Yeah, and you actually did grow fond of your precious fledgling.”

Raphael sees no point in denying it. He’s never really  _ disliked _ Simon, but he’s actually learnt to appreciate him more and more. It’s the point where he should’ve realized right away that he did not dream about what’s happened - his subconscious could’ve never made up what he’s learnt about Simon, there’s too many details that have surprised him when he’s first learnt those. “You mentioned him. Why’d he be mad at me?”

“Well, Sherman’s spent the past two days by your side and waited for you to wake up and now that I persuaded him to finally get some sleep, you wake up.”, Magnus says. “And don’t act like you’re surprised by that.”

Raphael just huffs at that. 

“He’s sleeping on the couch, if you’d like to wake him up.”, Magnus informs him with a sly grin. “I’ll go inform our Shadowhunters friends that you’re back to normal, if that’s okay?”

“Yeah, sure.”, Raphael waves him away.

He waits until he hears the door of Magnus’ room be closed (it feels kind of weird to be that sensitive to noises again, but Raphael really can’t complain. It’s what he’s wanted for the past weeks and he’ll easily get used to it again.) before getting up from the bed, stretching his limbs. He’s still a bit exhausted, even after at least two days spent in a trance, but he guesses the magic must’ve drawn some energy of his, too.

He steps out of the room as quietly as he can, both so that he doesn’t wake up Simon and that Magnus won’t notice him looking after the fledgling. He could deal without his teasing.

He finds Simon on the couch, like Magnus has said, curled against the back of it. His mouth is hanging open and there’s a strained expression on the rest of his face, the eyebrows drawn as if he weren’t comfortable. Raphael sighs at the sight, considering that it’s practically his fault that Simon’s here. A part of him regrets telling Simon about the reverse-spell and what it entails because it’s apparent how worried he is. 

He considers waking him up, just to tell him that he’s alright so he can relax. But something stops him from doing so. Instead, he leans down to Simon and picks him up from where he’s lying, meaning to carry him towards the more comfortable bed.

What he hasn’t expected is that Simon isn’t actually that deeply asleep and that he’s trained his sensations. His eyes shoot open as soon as Raphael’s touched him.

“Raph?”, he whispers, blinking up at him. Before Raphael can even open his mouth, Simon closes his arms around him, pulling him down so that Raphael’s practically lying on him. “Oh my G--, you’re back!”

Raphael can’t help but chuckle at that honest excitement and tries to sit up while doing so. Simon wouldn’t be crushed by his weight, of course, but it’s quite an intimate position to be in. 

Simon realizes, too, as he scoots over to make some space for Raphael. “Uh, sorry, I was just--! When did you wake up?”

“Not too long ago.”, Raphael tells him. “I’m actually still tired, though.”, he adds, giving Simon a thoughtful look. “I can imagine you are, too.”

Simon stares at him. “Yeah, uh, you go back to bed. You need to rest--!”

Raphael suppresses a groan. For a self-proclaimed nerd, Simon is almost dumb sometimes. He reaches over and places his hand on Simon’s softly. “It’s not like we haven’t shared a bed before.”

“Oh.”, Simon makes. “Uh-- yeah.”

He lets himself be pulled up by Raphael who leads him back into his room. They don’t undress, just fall onto the covers as they are and curl around each other as they fall asleep, feeling safe and comfortable.


	16. Chapter 16

Simon’s not exactly used to waking up to another person, so maybe that’s why he’s feeling all at once - and most of all confusion.

He and Clary have stopped sharing a bed when they got older, which Simon’s secretly been thankful for because who knows what his _body_ would have done? No, it’s good that it evolved like that. Waking up next to Maureen that one morning has been like a nightmare coming true. He hasn’t been himself and barely even remembered anything, even less so _her_.

It’s the second time he wakes up to Raphael, actually. The first time had been weird, yes, but also cute, in a twisted way. He’s barely been able to feel the weight of Raphael’s head on his chest and at the same time, he’d been hyper-aware of everything.

Of course, his strength and enhances senses haven’t gotten worse suddenly, but _now_ he can actually feel Raphael. Mostly because the other one has his arms wrapped around him and _pulls him closer_ , so much that it almost _hurts_. He doesn’t feel Raphael’s chest rise and fall and for a single second he freezes - his brain’s decided that this is a weird combination.

But then memory kicks in and he notices that it’s _normal_ . That _Raphael_ is normal again.

If the position didn’t make him fear that his rib cage is about to crack, he’d enjoy the feeling of knowing that Raphael is back as long as he can without him noticing. Now, however, he moves softly, trying to wake him up. “Raph.”

Since Raphael doesn’t breathe, he has no idea whether he’s registered it at all, so he moves even more, making Raphael open his arms. If Raphael’s even slightly embarrassed about having used Simon as his teddy bear, he is good at hiding it as he rolls onto his back.

“Ugh,” he makes in a way that sounds both like him and a kid that was waken up way too early. "What time is it?"

Simon suppresses a chuckle. “I wasn’t really able to check yet.”

As an answer, Raphael reaches over to the nightstand to shoot a look at his phone. “Close to midnight.”, he announces, a faint hint of surprise in his voice.

Apparently, if they’d both been asleep until now, Raphael’s transformation must’ve drained him - he rarely ever sleeps more than five hours, as Simon’s learnt. He’d wondered shortly what could’ve been the reason for him to not immediately get back to the clan, but now Simon guesses that Raphael really must’ve been exhausted.

“So… you’re you again?”, Simon asks, sitting up. He rubs over his eyes in an attempt to see clearer. He doesn’t know if it’s normal that his vision doesn’t kick in right away or if it’s a sign of his missing training.

“I’ve been myself the whole time.”, Raphael states. “But yes, Simon, I’m back to being a vampire.”

“That’s great!”, Simon says quickly. He’s glad that Raphael can be comfortable again, even if that means he’ll be busy as hell again and won’t have time to hang out with him or whatever--

“I’ll go back home today.”, Raphael says. “I’ve been bothering Bane for long enough already.”

And Simon can’t help but smile softly at the way Raphael says it. Like he’s already all back to business, hiding his feeling and _yet_ Simon knows how thankful he is. It feels like he knows _him_.

 

-

 

“Magnus,” Raphael says, stepping over to the warlock’s desk.

Magnus is currently working on some potion for one of his customers, his attention completely fixed on it. He does look up when Raphael stands in front of him, though.

Raphael’s usually good with words. He’s spent the past 50 years building up a certain charisma that makes him be a good spokesman. But, as soon as it comes to his own personal feelings, anything other than anger, he can’t find a way to articulate himself. He feels awkward when voicing those, as if he doesn’t express himself well enough.

He takes a deep breath and locks eyes with his old friend. “I wanted to thank you. For… what you’ve done. Again. If you ever need _my_ help, I’ll be there.”

He doesn’t want Magnus to stand up and he certainly doesn’t want him to pull him into a _hug_ but he figures speeding away would be inappropriate, especially when he’s about to leave and go home.

“Oh, darling,” Magnus grins and pulls him against his chest. “That’s what friends are for.”

Raphael huffs and puts his arms on Magnus’ back, returning the embrace. His and Magnus’ personalities may clash at times, but at least he knows that no matter what, the warlock will have his back.

“Thank you for letting me stay and… for fixing things.”, Raphael says firmly and steps back, making Magnus let him go.

“Of course.”, Magnus nods. Then he turns his face towards the door, “See you, Simon!”

“Bye!”, comes from the hall, Simon’s voice sounding flustered.

Magnus snickers when he realizes that the fledgling must’ve listened in, which earns him a sour look from Raphael. Of course, it’s not bad enough that he’s just had to voice his _feelings_ , no, someone who has no business about it has to eavesdrop.

“I do hope I see you more often than once a year now, Raphael.”, Magnus says with a smile. “And now, you better go and get your clan back.”

Raphael nods in return and then he leaves the room.

Simon’s in the hall, leaning against one of the walls and stares at the colourful wallpaper that Magnus has chosen for his flat. Raphael smiles when he realizes that Simon acts like he hasn’t heard anything.

“You ready?”, Simon looks up.

“Yeah.”, Raphael says. “Let’s go home, _bebé_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up! the next chapter is the last! :)


	17. Chapter 17

Raphael being back in the Hotel is  _ awesome _ , Simon decides. Finally he can walk around the halls without having any more suspicious looks following him now that everyone knows that Raphael is alive and well. 

It also helps that Raphael’s almost always by his side when he’s not busy with dealing with clan leader stuff. Of course, Raphael’s kept an eye on Simon before, too, but nowadays it feels more intimate. Only three weeks ago, Simon’s felt like he has to watch all of his steps so that Raphael wouldn’t throw him out of the clan for misbehaving. Now it’s not just Raphael’s eyes that he feels on himself, but a hand of his on his shoulder, on his arm or even on his thigh. 

Simon’s not exactly sure what that means - his talks with Raphael are the same as before, normal talks with nothing more behind them. There’s no flirting, nothing to indicate more. It could drive him mad - that is, if he didn’t enjoy things as much as they are.

The most confusing thing is that Raphael’s behaviour is not even limited to private places. No matter where they are, he’d touch him somehow. When they’re in the salon, Raphael’d curl into Simon’s side when they both have something to read.

Somehow, Simon’s mind comes close to comparing it to a relationship, the way he feels around around the other and how they have so many personal conversations and moments.

Of course, that’s just his fantasy playing tricks on him. Raphael may be fond of personal contact, but it’s nothing more.

 

-

 

“You do know that you don’t have to spend so much time with me, right?”, Simon says all of sudden, not moving an inch. 

They’re sitting on Raphael’s bed, Raphael with his back against the wall and Simon’s head resting on his thigh - Raphael’s practically had to persuade him to finally get seated because it would have been ridiculous for him to sit on the edge of the bed in an awkward position. This way it’s more comfortable for both of them while Raphael looks through the clan’s papers and Simon reads something on his phone. 

Raphael puts the papers down and focusses on Simon. It bothers him a little that the other doesn’t even look at him but rather stares at the wall.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I guess that maybe you feel like you have to spend time with me because I’ve been at Magnus’ all the time?”, Simon offers. “But, really, you don’t have to--”

“Do you think I’d be all cuddled up with you if I didn’t want to?”, Raphael asks, raising an eyebrow. 

“Uh--”, Simon starts.

Raphael pulls up his legs to make Simon sit up and look at him at last. When Simon directs his eyes down at the sheets again once he’s on his knees, Raphael puts a hand under his chin to make him look up. “Simon? I  _ like _ you.”

“You...what!?”, Simon gasps. His surprise actually sounds real.

Raphael’s tried to  _ show _ Simon that he cares about him, caressing him even with other clan members present to make him understand without having to say the words. So now he groans softly when he realizes he’s failed. “Don't make me repeat it.”

Now, Simon starts grinning. “That sounded like… the great Raphael Santiago! The one and only! The vampire who knew Columbus--”

“ _ Simon _ , my  _ ancestors _ were probably part of  _ Hernán Cortés’ _ crew. As were yours.”

“Woah, hang on. Do you think he's hired brothers? Could we be related? That'd be--”

“ _ Dios _ , I hope not.”, Raphael mumbles. Of course, Simon thinks it's an  _ insult _ . Sure, he probably hasn’t phrased it accurately because this is not  _ normal _ for him, but you could expect him to catch up.

Simon actually looks  _ hurt _ , the way his smile falls once Raphael’s uttered those words. If he said any more, he’d probably ruin his fledgling’s mood even more. So instead, he places his hands on Simon’s cheeks, pulling him closer and pressing their lips against each other. It takes a moment for Simon to unfreeze, but when he does, it’s  _ so good _ .

Raphael’s never kissed anyone before. He knows how it works in theory, but now that he actually does it, he’s clueless. But luckily, Simon seems to know just what to do as he parts his lips and  _ moans _ into Raphael’s mouth.

It’s over way too quickly and Raphael wishes to just pull Simon back when he parts them to gasp for  _ air _ that he  _ doesn’t need _ . If Simon weren’t so stupid about this, they could just carry on, doing something about which Raphael didn’t even know he wanted to do it so badly. 

“ _ Oh _ .”, Simon breathes, glaring at him. He’s breathing heavily and breaks into a smile when he asks, “Oh?”

Raphael licks his lips when he sees that Simon’s teeth have come through and notices that his have done the same. He can’t even recall the last time that’s happened without him wanting to. “Uh… Yeah.”

“So… You don’t just like me, you  _ like _ me?”, Simon says, still grinning. He actually sounds  _ teasing _ . Somewhere in the meantime, their hands have found one another and he squeezes Raphael’s softly.

Raphael rolls his eyes. “Don’t make me say it.”

“You  _ like _ me,” Simon singsongs.

“I’m rethinking this.”, Raphael says seriously. Why did he even expect Simon to deal with this like an adult?

Simon lets go of his hands and rather grabs his upper arms, pulling him closer again. “Don’t.”, he says and closes the distance between them again.

They’d still been kneeling across each other, but now Simon pushes him back, barely leaving room for Raphael to pull his legs free. The next moment, Simon’s lying on him, their chests pressed against each other as Raphael’s placed his hands on the other’s hips. The kiss is both soft and demanding, the way Simon’s cups his head makes it feel both eager and loving and Raphael feels  _ at ease _ .

He hadn’t even realized how much pressure he’s put onto himself by not  _ saying _ anything, but now that it’s gone he could curse himself for not doing anything about it sooner. 

Simon pulls back after a while, letting two fingers of his hand move over Raphael’s chest as if they were walking, a bright grin on his face. “So. You  _ like _ me.”

Raphael rolls his eyes. “I think we established that.”

“I like you, too.”, Simon chuckles. “In case that wasn’t clear. I don’t just go around and kiss random people. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but…”

“Simon?”, Raphael says softly and brings a hand up to touch Simon’s.

“Hm?”

“Stop talking, you’re ruining the mood.”

At that, Simon lets out a loud laugh. Raphael’s fallen for that sound a long time ago already, he realizes now, and it feels like his stomach drops. Instead of commenting, though, he leans over to kiss Simon again. Maybe for now gestures will be enough.

That, and the fact that the soft twist in his stomach he feels whenever Simon smiles makes him feel like, maybe, he hasn’t lost all humanity again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap!  
> Thank you all for the lovely comments and kudos and staying with me, it really did push this story forward and made me feel good about myself :^) 
> 
> Of course, the next fic of mine is already in the works. Those guys just won't let me rest. Looking forward to publishing it! :)

**Author's Note:**

> If you like, you can reblog the fic [here](http://joanthangroff.tumblr.com/post/152120405183/sign-of-the-times) on tumblr.
> 
> Comments and kudos support creativity!


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